Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt
by Talitha Koum
Summary: Complete. AU. Based on the movie The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. Penny moves in to 4A and comes to find that the previous tenant has yet to leave.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 2500+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

A/N: _Based on the movie The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. AU. Penny moves into 4A and realizes the previous tenant has yet to leave. _

ooo

Penny was desperate.

She needed a place to live. Like, bad. After four, long years of putting her aspirations through the ringer, on the back-burner? Submitting her mind and her body to one of the most boorish men she ever had the displeasure of sharing a bed? She had had it up to here--(Penny measured the height of her body with her hand, swerving to avoid a pothole.)--with his self-satisfied claims that 1.) she didn't have the spine or the money to strike out on her own and 2.) she was never going to find another man who treated her as good as he did.

Done. Penny packed her bags, crammed what little belongings she owned in the backseat of her car, put the pedal to the medal, and drove off into the proverbial sunset. At first, she felt a sense of pride. She felt strong. She felt independent. She was woman, for crying out loud! Sick and tired of being sick and tired, letting Kurt push her down like she was three-years-old. Like she was a child in his arms.

Did it feel that good to watch her bleed? Was he trying to make her think she loved him because he could rip her in two?

Whatev. She was gone for good. You know, this time. No turning back.

Penny punched the accelerator to make her point. She screamed at the top of her lungs, tears welling in her eyes. Not sad tears, angry tears. Four years of her life wasted on chasing down the affirmation she never received from her father. A twisted, twisted game of cat and mouse. Toying, hot pursuit, gluttonous. Wasted on alcohol and sex and--_God!_ Why was she such an idiot?

Car horns blared in Penny's wake. She gestured wildly and rudely. "Douchebags!" She sped through a yellow light.

Penny veered into the parking lot of the Cheesecake Factory to collect her thoughts. The disgustingly familiar aroma of her workplace unruffled her feathers. A little. She breathed deeply through her nose, inhaling the sticky sweetness, inhaling the humidity of the morning--the heat of the sun blaring through her windshield--the sweat on her brow. Thick and hot and moist and--

God, she missed Kurt.

She needed a drink.

_No._ What she needed was a place to live.

Penny wiped her eyes. "C'mon, Penelope," she croaked. "The day is young. Carpe diem." Talking to herself didn't help. If anything, hearing how pathetic she sounded made her feel ten times worse. Penny sobbed harder. She white-knuckled the steering while, braced her arms, and threw her weight against her seat, shaking the entire vehicle. "ARGH!"

_Tap, tap, tap. _

"Penny?"

Penny squinted outside to see a nervous Bernadette standing contrapposto so she could--clandestinely, nervously, concernedly, a host of lys--see inside her car.

"Are you alright?"

Penny rolled down her window. With every crank of the manual handle, she bit each syllable, _"Does. It. Look. Like. I'm. Al-Right?"_

"Not really." Pause. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." Pause. "I broke up with Kurt."

Bernadette gasped.

Penny appreciated her sympathy. And the act. She knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Bernadette disproved of Kurt and his--_How did she put it?_-- primordial, misogynistic foolhardiness. Or something. Penny grabbed Bernadette's hand and said as evenly as she could manage, "It's for the best."

"You did the right thing."

"I have to go and, uh--" Penny dragged the sleeve of her light-weight jacket under her nose. "--and, God! I'm such a mess." She smiled a watery smile. "I gotta clean myself up and go, uh--" Sniff. "--apartment hunting."

"You can stay with me if you want," Bernadette offered.

"Thanks, but no. It wouldn't be fair to you. I wouldn't be good company."

Bernadette gasped, "OH!"

"Oh, what?"

"My boyfriend, Howard!" She rifled around in her purse, giddy with excitement. (At the mention of boyfriend, Penny winced.) "He has a friend named Leonard who lives about five minutes from here." She retrieved her phone, fumbling with the numbers. "Great location. Decently priced. He's always complaining about the empty apartment across the hall." Bernadette pinned her phone to her ear.

"Wait, wait, wait." Penny opened her car door and stood to her feet. "This Leonard guy isn't some kind of weirdo, is he?"

"No. He's a physicist at CalTech."

_Weirdo. Check. But!_ Penny thought. _Just because he will be/might be my neighbor doesn't mean I have to talk to him. Right?_ "What's wrong with the apartment?" When Bernadette didn't seem to understand her question, Penny reiterated, "If it's such a great place, why doesn't anybody live there?"

Bernadette opened her mouth to explain, but she deviated when Howard answered her call. "Hi, Howard. Hold on a second." She pushed her phone against her chest. "I know it sounds crazy." Bernadette whispered, "The previous tenant died in his sleep. A Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Some people believe apartment 4A is haunted."

Penny laughed out loud, which surprised both her and Bernadette, bearing in mind what just transpired. "Haunted? Really?" She draped her arm on the hood of her car and cocked her hips, feeling ridiculously light-hearted considering the longest-lasting relationship of her life was utterly sunk. "Let me tell you something, Bernadette. In Nebraska, my family had this wake thing for my great-grandfather, Dad-O. They put his body in the guest room. Next to mine. And was I scared?"

Bernadette ignored Howard's voice asking what the frak was going on. "Were you?"

Penny scoffed.

"So you're interested in the apartment?"

Penny gazed across the Cheesecake Factory parking lot, her red-rimmed eyes jumping from couple to couple walking hand-in-hand. Like skipping stones. Hardly daring to scratch the surface. For she knew, all too well, the brevity and capacity of human emotion.

Penny had never felt so alive. And so vulnerable.

Screw this.

"Damn straight."

ooo

"Fully furnished?" Penny's jaw dropped.

The super, Mr. Replogle, seemed to shrink. His head bowed and his chest caved and his shoulders hunched beneath his ears. He was a mousy, little man with big lips and big, oceanic eyes. (Penny suppressed the urge to pat his balding head.) "It's complicated," Mr. Replogle squeaked. Then he turned around and continued the trek up the stairs.

"Complicated?" Penny hurried to follow him.

"The previous tenant--"

"Died. Yeah. Still don't care."

Mr. Replogle shuddered.

Penny matched his stride ascending to the third floor.

"Dr. Cooper did not have a will. But..."

"But?"

"...no matter how many times I've tried to auction off, donate, whatever!" Mr. Replogle grabbed his head in his distress. "Nobody will accept his belongings. Not even his family in Texas."

"You're in luck, Mr. Super! I virtually live in my suitcase and I have no problem using Cooper's furniture." Penny hesitated. "As long as it doesn't cost me extra."

"Thank you, young lady." Mr. Replogle blew his nose in a handkerchief he pulled from the inside of his tweed suit.

"No, no. Thank you." (She was already getting the apartment half price. What more could this man offer her? A car to match?)

"Thank God Dr. Cooper didn't drive."

Well. That answered that question.

Mr. Replogle gulped when they reached the fourth floor landing. He gripped 4A's keys with the conviction of a guilty man being led to the chopping block. "H-Here we are. 4A."

Penny didn't wait for Mr. Replogle to open the door. She snagged the keys from his hand and breezed into the apartment like she already lived there. She appraised the--_surprisingly clean_--living room/kitchen with aloof criticism. She was blessed in that her furnishings were free of charge, but the chair, the couch? They just weren't her style.

Too masculine. Way too masculine.

"Cooper had good taste," Penny lied through her teeth.

Mr. Replogle meeped his agreement.

Penny roamed the apartment, running her fingers along the desk, the computer, the island, the--_whoa._ She tilted her head to one side, trying to absorb the numbers and brackets and letters and words and symbols scribbled on a whiteboard by the refrigerator. "Holy crap on a cracker." Penny glanced over her shoulder at the super, who still hadn't crossed the threshold. "Cooper wasn't a physician, was he? He was one of those _Beautiful Mind_, genius guys."

"I suppose so."

Penny appreciated the complexity of the formulas like one would appreciate the complexity of a spider web. She extended her hand to touch the dry-erase equations when the windows crashed open in an instant. Penny thought she heard a breathy laugh, but chocked it up to her imagination.

Mr. Repolgle, unfortunately, did not.

Penny darted after him. She still had a contract to sign!

Mr. Replogle sat at the bottom of the stairs on the third floor, shaking like a leaf. "I told you," he wheezed. "I told you it was haunted."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Penny skirted the subject.

"You're joking! You saw the windows! Y-You heard him laughing!"

"Don't be silly. It was just the wind."

"_You_ don't be silly! I can't let a sweet girl like you live in an apartment like that!"

Penny's heart swelled at Mr. Replogle's thoughtfulness; a willing combatant, but feeble in the heartache arena where Kurt had punched a gaping hole through her soul. "Listen." Penny sat down beside the super and stroked his knobby knee. "I'm from Nebraska." She smiled at Mr. Replogle's confusion. "Nebraskan girls know how to fly. Even when their wings are torn from their back. Because that's when we mount our broomsticks. We're flexible like that."

He chuckled at her brazenness.

"So. Where do I sign?"

ooo

Penny loved thunderstorms. Especially when she was angry or sad. It was like the sky empathized with her trials and tribulations and it rumbled its displeasure at the very thought of someone--anyone--breaking her heart. It cried when she cried. Cold and aggressive.

Penny looked out the window in what used to be Dr. Cooper's room, tracing her knuckle down the pane of glass where rivulets of water mirrored the tears running down her face. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. But she needed this. She needed to cry. It was therapeutic. Penny turned her eyes to the heavens. She watched the bruised and broken clouds broil overhead, a direct representation of the feelings writhing in her stomach like tempered snakes.

Oh! If only she could reach deep inside herself and rip out the pain. Why did learning from bad mistakes have to suck so much?

Penny rested her forehead on the window. She sighed long and loud. Her breath fogged the glass. She started to draw a little face when lightning flashed.

The apartment was thrown into darkness.

Penny swallowed the lump in her throat. _For God's sake,_ she thought. _All this talk of ghosts is actually starting to get to me!_

"No one's allowed in my room."

Penny started. Her heart beat rapidly. Faster and faster. Pounding blood in her ears like a hammer pounds a stake. Achingly accurate. Hard. Loud. Over and over. It became difficult for Penny to distinguish her pulse from the gasp of her breath. She was so frightened her body and her mind waged an unseen war of epic proportions. Wanting to run. Wanting to fight. Wanting to scream. Wanting to ask:

"Who's there?"

"The specter of 4A," spoke a voice. Startlingly refined and twangy at the same time. "Boo."

The absurdity of his BOO lodged a stopper in Penny's fear. She turned around against the window. "Cooper?"

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper," the voice corrected her. "Now please. Get out."

"No. I live here."

"No. _I_ live here."

"No. _You're_ dead."

By the light of the busy street outside Sheldon's window, Penny witnessed a puzzle box fly across the room. Gently. Carefully.

"Was that supposed to scare me?" she asked.

"Doh," Sheldon sulked. "I'm not very good at this haunting business. I hate making a mess."

It was then that she saw him, sitting on the end of his bed. A tall, lanky man wearing a pair of khaki pants, a green t-shirt, and a long-sleeved undershirt. His age surprised her. When she thought of Dr. Anything--especially physicists--she pictured old men with neatly trimmed beards smoking Cuban cigars. Sheldon Cooper was no such individual. If she were to guess his years, he was somewhere between twenty-five and thirty. His hair was closely cropped and combed neatly to one side. His arms and legs were long and slender; a combination of gracefulness and clumsiness. His posture was perfect, his pianist hands folded in his lap.

It surprised Penny how undaunted she was. Sheldon Cooper made for a pitiable ghost.

"I'm not used to being incorporeal so I apologize for appearing to you thus." He turned to look at her. "It's unintentional."

Penny stared. Sheldon Cooper's eyes were shockingly blue. Almost iridescent. "S'okay."

"Alright. Enough with the banal chit-chat. No one's allowed in my room. Get out."

Penny stood firm. "No."

"Why?" Sheldon whined.

"Because the other bedroom is full of all your science crap."

Sheldon raised his eyebrows at her. "Science crap?" Suddenly, he was looming. Directly. Advancing. Cold and hollow were his words, "That crap, as you've so eloquently debased my research. That crap, Penelope, is my life's work."

Penny waved her hands in good favor. "Take a pill, Dr. Phil. Jeeze. And don't call me Penelope."

Sheldon smirked. "Penelope."

Penny covered her ears.

Sheldon chased her out of his room, whispering her name, his staid voice and departed breath slathering her skin with goosebumps. He shut his bedroom door in her face.

Penny knocked. Once. Twice. Three times. "Cooper!" She tried the doorknob. No such luck. "Where am I gonna sleep?"

"Preferably in another apartment."

"I can't, okay? I'm broke as Hell--"

"Please don't mention Hell, Penelope. My spirit is doomed to spend eternity in one of two places. I'd rather you not goad me to recall the ramifications of my religious beliefs or lack thereof."

"Hell."

"Penelope."

"Hell!"

"Penelope!"

"HELL!"

"PENELOPE!"

"Fine!" Penny stomped into the living room and crashed on the couch, sullen and embarrassed and weirded out. How was she supposed to room with a ghost? She couldn't afford another place to live and she was too proud to ask for help or run away. (Kurt, of course, was the exception to the latter.) The next best thing? Compromise. The couch wasn't so terrible. It was comfy. Warm. Penny stretched, reveling in the feel of the leather on the bareness of her legs and the small of her back when her camisole rode up against the cushions.

"Wrong."

Penny screamed.

Sheldon folded his arms across his chest and posted himself against the wall.

"_What?"_

"It's wise to sleep with your head away from the door in the event a marauder should infiltrate your place of residence."

"I'm having this conversation with the ghost of Dr. Wackadoodle," Penny said pointedly. "Marauders are the least of my worries."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 2300+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

ooo

Penny dreamed of lugging her belongings up four flights of stairs. It was easy to overlook the building's broken elevator when her living arrangements were resolved within hours of her breakup. Not to mention: _Half price!_

Penny dreamed of tossing her garbage bags of clothes and toiletries and stuffed animals and memoirs in the spare bedroom. Out of sight, out of mind. She didn't have the energy to unpack, except for the complementary cheesecake, six packets of Ramen, and a can of coffee. Penny dreamed of roaming 4A, making up stories about the knickknacks Dr. Sheldon Cooper had accumulated. She dreamed of the moment she decided the brave his bedroom, feeling drawn to take a peek inside. She dreamed of looking out the window. And then...

Penny popped the clutch. She blinked, recovering slowly from the spins of sleep. The ceiling wavered through her bangs like a mirage. She moved to rub her eyes and came to realize how cold she felt. The living room was oddly dark and she thought, _Did I sleep all day? _Disappointment waltzed up and down her spine. She could _not_ afford to sleep in! She _had_ to get up! She _had_ to go to work! She _had_ to--

Cool her jets. The clock on Sheldon's DVD player read 6:15 AM.

Holy crap. A DVD player. She had a DVD player. (Sort of.)

Penny lay still, wondering for the life of herself why no one was chomping at their bits, fighting tooth and nail for Cooper's property. She stretched her arms and her legs while she mulled it over, which elicited a blissful sigh on her part. Vague impressions of what she thought were a dream drifted through her head. Lazily. Like the seeds of a dandelion buffeted by the wind. "Wowzers. What did I eat before I hit the hay?"

"You suffered a hypnotic jerk, Penelope."

"HOLY GOD!" Penny launched out of her seat and fell over the back of the couch. She stared, wide-eyed at Sheldon Cooper. Her mouth formed a W for _What th' Hell?_ but she kept in mind Sheldon's warning not to speak of his potential, eternal agony so her mouth formed the letter A for _Am I dreaming?_ Penny pinched herself before she asked a stupid question, lest Sheldon mock her. If, of course, he was real. Or not. Or whatever.

Yeah, no. Definitely awake.

"_You were sitting on me?!"_ Penny finally blurted.

Sheldon grit his teeth. It was funny. His jaw looked taut and strong. The veins in his neck, profuse. Were there really no muscles--no bones--beneath his ghostly flesh? "Every Saturday morning since I moved into this apartment, I rose at 6:15 AM, made myself a bowl of cereal, and watched Dr. Who. I no longer have the need nor the desire to eat and I can't very well peruse the super market for my nonexistent fiber needs. But I still have eyes to watch so watch I shall, regardless of your disrupting my routine." He turned to face the television, which was muted. Captioned.

_How kind of him!_ Penny screamed inside her head. "You could have sat somewhere else!"

Sheldon laughed breathlessly. (For real.) "Penelope. This is my spot. It's my single point of consistency in an ever-changing world. My 0, 0, 0, 0."

"But you sat on me!"

"Oh, don't worry. As inconvenient as ectoplasm makes my afterlife--Unbearably cold. Multiplies at a rate not unlike I've witnessed in flesh-eating bacteria." Sheldon flexed his hands. For the briefest of seconds, Penny thought she saw moisture glisten on the webbing between his fingers. "Miserable trying to keep the illusory residue out of my nose and my mouth with on-again, off-again physical hands," he strayed. "Atrocious--it won't stick to your skin. Or your clothes. Or your hair."

"EW!"

"My thoughts exactly."

A knock at the door stifled Penny's disgust. "Quick." She motioned for Sheldon to move. "Make yourself scarce."

"I have an IQ of 187 and my intelligence cannot be accurately measured by standardized tests. I'm also dead. How much scarcer can I be?"

"You know what I mean. Make yourself invisible."

"Dissipate."

"Whatever. Scram. Vamoose."

"Once again, you underestimate me, Penelope. Now answer the door before he calls the police."

"He?"

"Leonard Hofstadter. My neighbor."

"You can see through walls?"

"Bravo." Sheldon smiled crookedly. "Deductive reasoning. There's hope for you yet."

Penny threw her hands into the air. "I don't believe this." She reached for the doorknob.

"Wrong."

Penny pressed her lips together in a thin line. She lowered her arm, spun on her heel, popped her mouth open, and asked, _"What?"_

"You should change, first."

Penny looked down at herself. She was decent. Everything was where it was supposed to be. Nothing was hanging out. Her shorts and camisole were relatively clean. "What? Why?"

"You're half naked."

Penny pierced Sheldon with the mother of all glares. _"What?"_

"I'm a ghost."

Why did he feel obligated to repeat himself?

"I am detached from the quintessence of my flesh. I have no desires other than the urges to move on and publish my paper on the reconciliation of the black hole information paradox using a string network condensate."

"Stringy what?"

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Nevermind. Answer the door."

Penny did as she was told. Leonard Hofstadter shuffled his socked feet back and forth, back and forth. Yet again, she was surprised at the mistakenness of her preconceptions. What were the odds? Another young and handsome physicist? _Well, slap me silly and call me Francois,_ Penny thought. Leonard's shy smile bred so much nice-guy promise she found herself attracted to the kind of person she guessed he was. Leonard wrapped his bathrobe securely around his chest. His curly hair was a regular kookaburra's nest.

"Hey," he said. "I heard you scream and I--" Gulp. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"What fresh Hell is this?" Sheldon muttered. He clapped his hand over his mouth at his mention of Hell.

Leonard didn't hear him. "So you're Bernadette's friend, Penny?"

"And you're Howard's friend, Leonard?"

"Yawn," Sheldon snorted. "As soon as he perceived the size of your breasts, Penelope, the only thought his feeble, little mind could grasp was sexual congress."

Penny dug her nails into the palms of her hands.

"I'm sorry to bother you," Leonard apologized.

"No. It's fine. Phone rang," Penny fibbed. "Scared the crap out of me." She stood aside, purposefully driving a wedge between Sheldon and his routine. (More of a wedge. If having her in his apartment made him squirm, she assumed he would hate even more company.) "You know what? I'm sorry I woke you up. Come in. I'll make us a pot of coffee." She walked to the kitchen, a conscious swing in her hips, killing two birds with one stone. She now had Leonard's undivided attention and Sheldon's discontent at her disposal.

"Troglodyte."

"Wackadoodle."

"What's what?" Leonard asked.

"_What-a-surprise!_ I didn't expect to have company." Penny opened the fridge. "You know, like, ever." She cursed under her breath when she remembered she hadn't gone shopping yet. What did she expect? Sheldon to keep food around the apartment for nostalgic purposes? Penny crossed her fingers when she shut the refrigerator and opened the cabinet over the microwave, hoping beyond hope...

"You have a coffee pot," she whispered. "Now where are your filters?"

"Second shelf. You're lucky, Penelope. On two accounts. One, I had a colleague who, upon my request that he drive me to and from work, insisted I proffer a pot of coffee every morning for compensation. Either caffeine or alcohol, he told me. In what universe would I, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, allow an inebriated man to chauffeur me to CalTech?"

Penny rolled her eyes. _Hello? Sarcasm!_

"I never touched the stuff, myself. Coffee, that is. Or alcohol. Two, I overheard Mrs. Vartabetian threaten to call an exorcist when she bumped into my less-than-visible self carrying out the garbage." Something in his voice changed. "I'll let you stay one more night if you promise to--"

"I know the feeling." Leonard drowned Sheldon out. He attempted to take a seat in Sheldon's spot, but Sheldon pushed him aside and he found himself sprawled in the middle of the couch, confused as to how he had gotten where he was. Leonard straightened his glasses. "It's been almost three years since someone's lived in this apartment. It's nice to have a neighbor again."

Sheldon curled his lip. "Penelope. He thinks with his penis. Throw him out. Now."

"No."

Leonard opened and closed his mouth confusedly. "No, what?"

"_Oh-no_, I'm out of milk," Penny hedged.

"That's okay. I'm lactose intolerant."

While Penny scraped the bottom of her can of coffee, Sheldon spouted unremitting hearsay, ticking each statement off the tips of his fingers. "He can't process corn. His work is extremely derivative. He can't maintain a relationship for more than--"

Leonard half-laughed, half-choked his surprise. He pointed at the television when Penny turned around to look at him. "You like Dr. Who?"

"What? No. That was just on. Everything's as Sheldon left it."

"Sheldon?"

"I mean, Dr. Cooper. Did you know him when he was alive?"

"We met. Once." Leonard didn't go into details. "How is it he still has cable if no one's paid the cable company?"

Penny waited for Sheldon to elucidate, but he didn't, so she said, "I dunno."

"Lucky for you, huh?"

"Yeah." Penny struggled to reach the mugs on the third shelf. She stood on her tip-toes. Reaching. Reaching. She was on the verge of asking her imperceptible roommate where he kept a stepladder when a wave of cold penetrated her body so completely and so suddenly Penny's back arched and she froze, ridged. The same, mirage-like haziness clouded her eyes and she felt--literally _felt_--Sheldon step into her. Holy crap, she could feel him! His self. Seeping through in one, fluid motion. The embodiment of ice, but not a solid. Not a liquid. Not a gas.

He just was.

Penny gasped. Two coffee mugs were slipped into her hands.

"You're welcome," Sheldon said in her ear. Literally. In her ear.

"What was..." Penny's teeth chattered. "What was that for?"

"_Get him out of my apartment or I will scare him out." _

Penny performed a maladroit pirouette as Sheldon withdrew and she saw that Leonard was standing in front of his board. "This is genius." The lenses of his glasses flashed, his head tilting one way, then another. "I think this sign..." Leonard picked up Sheldon's marker.

Penny didn't know anything about physics, but she did know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, competitiveness tainted any and every field under the sun. Whether it was waiting tables at the Cheescake Factory or stringy condensates. Whatever. She felt a sort of obligation to protect Sheldon's work. The very work he was so determined to finish he suspended Death. Even though he was, _well_, pushing daisies and his research, _in that case_, was useless. It was the principle of the thing.

Penny handed Leonard his coffee and put the marker on the easel where it belonged. She had no idea if Sheldon was serious about scaring Leonard. He hadn't laid a hand on her, but she also hadn't threatened his work. (Aside from calling it crap.) "So, um, I gotta get ready for work."

Leonard checked the DVD player. "Now?"

"I need to wash my hair."

"Oh."

Penny steered Leonard toward the door. "Ho'kay. Thanks for stopping by."

"But your mug--"

"Keep it."

"Maybe we could have dinner some--"

"Bye-bye." Penny pushed him out. "One question, Dr. Cooper. Why--no--_how_ do you have cable?"

Sheldon sat in his spot. He dipped his chin, his eyes wandering somewhere around her feet. "I have my ways."

Penny knelt beside him on the couch. "Please tell me you don't pay bills."

Sheldon mumbled something about electronic banking.

"Holy crap on a cracker. You're insane!"

"No, I'm not. My mother had me tested."

Penny rolled over on her back and kicked her legs. She laughed so hard she could barely breathe.

Sheldon failed to see the humor. "How else am I supposed to watch Dr. Who? Star Trek?" His voice pitched all over the place.

"I dunno? Couldn't you, like, borrow a tenant's television?"

"That's stealing."

Penny kicked harder.

Sheldon clenched his knees together to protect his genitalia. Protect himself why, Penny hadn't a clue. "I rescind my invitation to stay. Leave."

Penny dried her eyes on her wrist. "Oh, God. Oh, God, I needed that." She stood to her feet and walked toward the back of the apartment.

Sheldon blocked her route. The sunrise illuminated his translucence, which gave the impression he was emitting fumes.

"Simmer down, Captain Kirk. All I want are my bags and my toiletries so I can take a shower."

"No. Leave."

"I can't leave now."

"Why ever not? I missed _Vintage Video Game Night_ because of--"

Penny jumped through him.

Sheldon wrapped his arms around his torso like she had violated his person.

Penny rifled through her trashbags, extricating her uniform and her Ziplocked shampoo and conditioner. "Cooper, the whiny ghost! The whiniest ghost you know!" She wrinkled her nose at him. "Aw, I'm just yanking your chain, sweetie. You're ten times the ghost Casper is."

"Casper?"

"Forget it." Penny carried her things into the bathroom.

Sheldon did not follow her inside, much to her relief.

Still: "Hide your eyes, okay?"

"Why?" His disembodied voice was obdurate.

"I don't want you to see me naked!"

"Understandable. But Penelope, need I remind you, I'm--"

"Dead. Yes. I know, I know." Penny drew Sheldon's _periodic-table-of-elements_ shower curtain. She made a face at the duck stickers on the bottom of the tub.

"Your nakedness will not be a distraction."

"_I'll_ be distracted."

"Let me work, Penelope, please?"

"Go to Hell, Sheldon, please?"

"That is juven--"

Penny pulled her camisole over her head.

The apartment was deadly quiet for the remainder of her shower.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 2900+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

ooo

Penny tucked a towel around her body, shaking what her mother gave her. _"Bay-be, bay-be, bay-be, I fell from th' sky-eye!"_ She mumbled the part of the song she didn't know. _"Love removal! Move removal muh-she-een! Giddy-up!"_

Sheldon had long since abandoned his attempts to keep her quiet. At first, he made the water run cold in her shower. (Somehow.) Penny didn't like the idea of Sheldon wrapping his long and slender fingers around the showerhead in order to exact his revenge, but she didn't take him for the kind of man to invade her privacy. However he managed to douse her with ice, Penny retaliated by ripping up his adhesive ducks and throwing them in the trash, which was very full.

Sheldon wasn't kidding when he said he would let her stay another night if she took out the garbage.

Penny laughed to herself. She was staying forever and he knew it.

Sheldon flicked the lights when she tried to apply her mascara. "Whatever delusion you're suffering, I submit that you are tone-deaf." He rambled on about acoustic trauma and offering to pay for voice lessons as long as she vacated his apartment by the end of the day.

"Th' _HELL_ you will!" Penny screamed. "If you keep screwing with me, Cooper, I'll wipe your precious, little board clean!"

Silence. Not even the squeak of his dry-erase markers.

Penny made the mistake of assuming this was Sheldon waving the white flag of surrender. She styled her hair, belting a medley of lyrics that involved Hell. "When you see my face, hope it gives you Hell! Hope it gives you Hell! When you walk my way, hope it gives you Hell! Hope it gives you Hell! By the wayside we fell! He said it my way or the highway to Hell! It's your decision, choose it well! He said it's my way or the highway to H--eep!"

Her uniform was missing.

"Really, Penelope. Are you so naïve to think I would knuckle under to the likes of you?"

Penny slammed open the bathroom door. "The likes of me?" she bit, flashing her teeth. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I means..." Sheldon began, lecture mode full-throttle.

Penny followed his voice into the living room.

"...that I will not kowtow to mediocre minds."

"Mediocre minds?"

"I'm clearly your superior." Sheldon stood by the window. Or floated. Or whatever. It was hard to tell the sun was shining so bright. Penny could see the contour of his face. His heavy-lidded eyes twinkled arrogantly. "While you bathed yourself in my shower, which must now be decontaminated--" He held up a fume-y finger to keep Penny from speaking. "--I may be impervious to your filth, but I refuse to live--or die--here while my apartment descends into chaos." Sheldon smiled a smug smile Penny wished she could slap off his face. "I figured out a way to make you leave without having to resort to scaring you, which I know I can't, or forcibly carrying you out the door, which I won't. I would never man-handle a woman." He clenched his knees for the second time that morning, revisiting a memory he wasn't particularly fond of, perhaps. "In point--"

"I'm sorry. Your time is up. Where's my uniform?"

Sheldon gestured out the window. "Mwah-ha."

Penny nearly slid through him so she could see. A wave of hatred sprouted from the pit of her stomach to the tips of her ears, scaling her spine like a stalk of brimstone. "How in th' HELL did you get my clothes on that wire?"

"Penelope, I am not among the living--"

"Oh, for God's sake."

"--but even if I were? With physics, anything is--" Sheldon vacillated. "--what are you doing?"

Penny marched across the room. "I warned you. Not only is it on, it's Junior Rodeo on."

"Junior Rodeo?"

Penny grabbed his board, swung it around her back, and rubbed her butt across his equations.

_Holy crap on a cracker. _

Penny knew she had made a grave error by the look on Sheldon's face. She hurried to collect her purse and her lightweight jacket without appearing as if she were in the process of fleeing for her life. Sheldon was still a ghost, after all. What if she broke him? What if he decided he was ready to move on to the next level? Clawing her back and possessing her body or some such Hollywood crap she couldn't dismiss?

And after she had protected his work from Leonard! (If, in fact, stealing was what Leonard had in mind, which she didn't think was true.) She couldn't forgive herself.

Penny slipped her jacket over her towel and made a break for the front door.

Sheldon's voice raised the hairs on the back of her neck. "Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough."

ooo

Penny punched the accelerator. She screamed at the top of her lungs, tears welling in her eyes. Not angry tears. Sad tears. Why was she such an idiot?

Car horns blared in Penny's wake. She gestured wildly and rudely. "Douchebags!" She sped through a yellow light.

Penny veered into the parking lot of the Cheesecake Factory. She breathed deeply through her nose, inhaling the sticky sweetness.

God, she was sorry.

She needed to apologize.

No. What she needed was another place to live.

_Déjà vu._

"C'mon, Penelope. The day is young. Carpe diem." Talking to herself didn't help. If anything, hearing how pathetic she sounded made her feel ten times worse. Penny braced her arms and threw her weight against her seat. "ARGH!"

She pulled Mr. Replogle's card from her wallet. On the front was a list of questions she might want to ask him should a problem present itself. His number was printed in bold and, scribbled in pencil, was her new number. Or Sheldon's number. Or whatever. Penny never thought she would need it. Everyone of importance had her cell saved in their contacts so there wasn't a reason to memorize something she wasn't going to use.

Penny chewed on her lip. She made the call, remembering Sheldon had an answering machine. Heaven knows what sort of genius hacking he did in order to pay his bills. Just so he could live--die--in comfort. It made her head hurt to think about it.

_Beep. _

Penny gulped. "Sheldon. Um. Yeah. I know you're there and I know you're not gonna pick up or anything, but I wanted to apologize for that I did. What's that saying? Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but it enlarges the future? Right? So. I'll see you when I get home--okay--bye." She hung up. "Smooth move, Penelope." She winced at the sound of her name.

_Tap, tap, tap._

"Penny?"

Penny squinted outside to see a nervous Bernadette standing contrapposto.

Déjà vu, indeed.

"I brought my spare uniform like you asked." Bernadette held up a recycled shopping bag. She considered Penny's attire. "Are you alright?"

Penny lied about the driers in her apartment building being broken and how all her clothes were sopping wet. Cock and bull for the win.

Bernadette turned around and leaned against Penny's car while she changed. She kept a weather eye out for Peeping Toms. "How are you liking your new place? Aside from the faulty driers, I mean."

"It's otherworldly, Bernadette," Penny sniggered, which transformed into a full-bellied laugh.

"I don't get it."

ooo

Penny trudged up the stairs, longing for the couch in 4A. Her feet throbbed. Her back throbbed. Everything throbbed. Penny wrestled with her keys and balanced her bag of groceries in her arms, stepping wide on the landing. Her breath was labored. Expletives stung her mouth like a swarm of wasp. She wanted to curse out loud like her grandmother wouldn't believe, but she also wanted neither Leonard nor Sheldon to know she was home. As far as Leonard was concerned, she didn't have the patience to talk nicely to anyone and she needed, more than anything, to maintain their friendship.

Leonard was a nice guy. He didn't deserve her wrath.

As far as Sheldon was concerned?

It went without saying.

Penny shoved her key in the lock, but it wouldn't turn. Her trajectory impeded, and her mind too weary to signal her body to cease and desist, she ran into the door. Her groceries tumbled to the floor. "Oh, son of a--"

"The condensation on your frozen foods weakened the structural integrity of the bag," Sheldon said from somewhere behind her.

"_Thank you, Sheldon."_

"You're welcome, Penelope."

"Stop calling me that! Why do you call me that?"

Sheldon blinked. The light from the lamps in the hallway shed light on one side of his face. The other side was cast in shadow, his features opaque and somewhat transparent. Somewhat mirage-y. Penny could see Leonard's 4B though his cheek, but she was willing to bet that--if she dared to reach out her hand and touch him--she would feel his arctic skin. (If he let her.) "Did you know you're trying to open my apartment door with your car key?"

"I do now."

"Why would you do that?"

"I dunno, Sheldon!" Penny shouted, exasperated. "Maybe because I work at a dead-end job, I have no money, no prospects, I ruined your whatever, and I still love Kurt against my better judgment!"

"There, there." Sheldon fidgeted. "I have an eidetic memory. There's no harm done."

"I swear to God--" (Penny cut him off before he could say something like, _Swearing to God isn't such a good idea. Trust me. I know._) "--I'm done with men. I'm switching teams."

"Teams?"

"Teams."

"I don't understand. Are you now Buddhist instead of Catholic?"

Penny glared. "I'm going lesbian."

"Interesting." Pause. "Who wants tea?" Sheldon pulled her car key from the lock so easily Penny's eyes burned with tears all over again. Not so much from embarrassment as unfairness. She was a living, breathing, and susceptible human being while Sheldon was lucky not to have to follow any universal law, boundless and bodiless. "Sit down."

Penny collapsed in his spot.

"Not there," he said without looking at her.

Penny slid over one cushion. She watched Sheldon bustle around the kitchen, pulling a teakettle from the cabinet, filling it with water, lightning the stove. Penny almost drifted off the sleep, the sound of his movements becoming more and more muted. Her eyelids grew heavy. Sheldon the invincible--invincible from where she was sitting, anyway--preparing tea lulled her into a sense of security she hadn't felt in a long time. It was kind of nice, having someone cater to her pangs, even if they weren't living.

Penny smiled.

She felt Sheldon sit beside her. It gave her goose bumps.

"Here," he said and handed her the mug she used that morning for her coffee. "Drink this. It'll make you feel better."

"What is it?"

"Earl Grey."

"Is it good?"

"It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to remember the sense of taste the longer I'm dead--"

"No, no." Penny giggled. "I mean, isn't it old?"

"Black tea was developed specifically for having a long shelf-life."

"And you didn't throw it out because?"

Sheldon gave her a look she couldn't decipher. Maybe: _Pay attention, woman!_ "I already told you. Mrs. Vartabetian threatened to call a exorcist."

Penny brought the mug to her lips and took a sip. Her insides warmed and the smile on her face brightened exponentially. The tea felt so clean. So crisp. So deliciously arbitrative. She killed her cup in one gulp. It scorched her throat, but it was a good scorch. The kind of scorch that signified a change in her life. A change for the better. She imagined the mistakes from her past--the alcohol, the sex, the abuse--filtering through her system where her skin excreted the badness from her heart and soul.

She needed another shower.

"Thank you, Sheldon."

"You're welcome, Penelope."

"You didn't answer my question. Why do you call me that?"

Sheldon's blue eyes looked right through her. "Isn't that your name?"

"Yeah, but people call me Penny."

"Penelope seemed to me a name fit for a Queen."

Penny's heart stopped beating. She wondered if Sheldon noticed. She wondered if he was in tune with the world around him; in tune with the passage of time and the rhythm that pulsated her life like an orchestra through her veins. "I'm not a Queen. I'm just Penny."

"You encroached my apartment with such regality, I have to disagree." He said this impetuously, but he was as transparent as his soul.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Sheldon twiddled his thumbs. It wasn't so much twiddling as it was sliding his thumb through his thumb. He looked uncomfortable for someone who was already dead. "I've decided--"

A knock on the door cut Sheldon off. Though, Penny wasn't sure why. It wasn't like whoever was calling upon her so late at night could even hear him if he didn't want to be heard.

"There's a Neanderthal outside."

Penny shoved herself to her feet and answered the door. Before she could so much as gasp at Kurt's being there, he swooped in on her, his thick arms crushing her body against his. He planted a kiss on her lips.

"I've missed you," Kurt growled in her mouth.

Penny couldn't deny that she had missed him, too.

"I've been looking all over for you. Your friend at the Cheesecake Factory wouldn't tell me where you were--"

_Oh, God,_ Penny thought. _He must've cornered Bernadette at the end of our shift._ "Kurt!"

"--so I drove around, saw your car at the market, and followed you here."

Kurt shut the door with his foot. "Some old hag named Vartabetian told me a new tenant moved in 4A." Penny wrapped her legs around his waist when he hurled the both of them on to the couch. His weight, crushing. His fingers, greedy. His breath, sour. His tongue, incessant. It was only when Kurt tried to rip off her vest that Penny realized she was making a mistake. She was many things, but she wasn't stupid.

Penny pushed Kurt away. "Stop." It took a lot of effort to speak. Her protest was no louder than a whisper, but he heard her--barely--over this raucous panting.

"What?"

"Stop."

"C'mon, Pen. I'm sorry for what I said." He bit/inhaled her neck, clearly attempting to swallow her whole.

Penny pushed harder. "NO. STOP." When Kurt ignored her objections, his hands pinching underneath her shirt, she cried, "Sheldon!"

Silence. Nothing like the triumphant silence that morning. This was terrifying.

"Who?" Kurt pinned Penny's wrists to the couch. "Who's Sheldon?"

"No one--"

"_WHO'S SHLEDON?"_

"That would be me."

Kurt squealed. There was no other verb to describe the noise he made. The windows opened and closed. The lights flickered on and off. Sheldon's DNA model broke to pieces, flying around the room like a multicolor tornado, scattering papers and knocking over his board. Sheldon stood in the midst of the tempest, his eyes emanating an unholy glow, his hair mussed, and his anger tangible.

"Get out."

Kurt was happy to oblige. Sheldon rebuffed the option to let the situation sit as it was. He followed Kurt out of the apartment.

Penny was shell-shocked. She wasn't sure how long she sat with her knees drawn to her chest, rocking back and forth in Sheldon's spot. The hole in her chest chaffed her sensibilities, her cognizance, to the point where seconds lasted forever and minutes wasted away in an unprecedented flood she couldn't seem to stop. Numb. Alone.

"I chased him all the way down Euclid Avenue." Sheldon flattened his hair. "He's fast for a Neanderthal."

Penny moaned. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." It was her mantra. He had to understand. "Thank you. Thank you."

Sheldon's icy palm covered her mouth. It was the first time she felt him as a solid. "I'm sorry I didn't interfere sooner."

Penny threw her arms around Sheldon's neck. Her body shivered uncontrollably at the contact, but that only made her hold him tighter. His long arms dangled uselessly at her sides. Granted, she didn't make it easy for him to move, regardless of his ability to faze through solid objects. She balled his illusory shirt in her fists and smothered her face in Green Lantern's logo.

Sheldon grumbled, "It's my favorite shirt. The one I died in. But, no. I insist. Please. I'm dead, lest we forget. Your germs, your tears, your snot will not contaminate me so cry as long as you need. I have nowhere to be."

"Thank you, Sheldon. Thank you, Sheldon. Thank you, Sheldon."

"You're welcome, Penny. You're welcome, Penny. You're welcome, Penny."

Penny listened to the raging quiet in his chest. No breath. No heartbeat. No nothing.

"I've decided," Sheldon said, continuing their conversation from earlier, "that it's in your best interest to sleep in my bedroom, seeing as I have no need for a bed. The couch is no place for a Queen. As long as you don't touch my comic book collection and as long as you promise to publish my paper and take out my trash and apologize for making me miss Laundry Night, you may stay." Before Penny could work up the nerve to thank him again, Sheldon murmured, "Maybe I have died and gone to Hell."


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 2600+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

ooo

Penny was weired out.

Correction: She was weirded out she wasn't weirded out.

She. Was about to sleep. In the bed. That Sheldon Copper. Died in.

And--wait for it--she was cool with that. It wasn't just the same bed frame, the same mattress. It was the same sheets, comforter, and pillow, too. _I must be off my rocker,_ Penny thought as she slipped under Sheldon's covers. _Maybe it's 'cause a part of me knows he's already washed his sheets one-hundred times over. Or maybe it's 'cause he isn't dead-dead. _

Okay. Yeah. Now it was getting to her.

Penny started shivering before she could make herself comfortable. She was chilly, but it wasn't like Sheldon was spooning her or anything. There wasn't a reason for her to be so freakin' cold. Her skin crawled with goosebumps. A tightness settled in her chest. Like her lungs were constricting and her ribcage was caving in. Like an elephant was sitting on her breasts.

She couldn't breathe. She was sinking. _She had to move! Now!_

Penny all but flew from Sheldon's bed. Her legs tangled themselves up in his comforter and she tumbled to the floor in a whir of blue. Penny thrashed, desperate to free herself, and as soon as she felt one of her feet impale Sheldon's body--the frostiness was unmistakable--she yelled, "I am NOT sleeping in your bed!"

"Penelope." His voice was condescending. "Trust me when I say the sheets are clean."

"I know the sheets are clean, Sheldon!" She unraveled herself, pushed herself to her feet, and kicked his comforter across the room.

"This is what I get for extending an invitation to stay in my apartment, in my bedroom, out of the goodness of my heart?"

"You're dead," Penny snapped. "You don't have a heart!"

Sheldon didn't argue.

"Can't I sleep on the couch?"

"No. I'll keep you up and you'll keep me distracted."

"Why can't you work in here?"

"Why can't I--?" Sheldon sneered. "--Listen to yourself. A bedroom is for sleeping. The living room is for working. I don't work where I used to sleep and I never slept where I work."

"But you--"

"But nothing! This is how it has to be!" he shrilled. "I can't revise the basis by which I cast my life, my schedules!" Sheldon clasped his hands behind his back, feigning composure. "No, Penelope, you're right. I'll work in my bedroom. Next thing you know, I'm quoting Dante's Inferno and implementing, not the preexisting knowledge of the days I was living, but the knowledge I've acquired since I began the predestined journey to meet my Maker! Then the world descends into anarchy!"

Penny ran her fingers through her hair. She yanked at her scalp. "You're crazy! Like postmortem insanity!"

Sheldon glided over to his bed and lay down on his back. He folded his hands across his chest like Dracula. "There is nothing wrong."

"No. No." Penny shook her finger at him. "It feels weird."

"Where?"

"There."

"And here?" Sheldon wiggled his feet.

Penny knelt on the end of the bed. She glided her hands over the mattress, impressed the cold feeling was gone, but worried she was losing her mind. "Where did it go?"

"I speculate you were feeling an impression of my demise. Like the shadow effect of a ring you've worn for a time when it's off your finger."

"Are you saying I felt your death?" Penny gagged. "Why?"

"I appeared to you. We've established a subterraneous friendship, the likes of which have rendered you acutely aware of my existence or lack thereof." Sheldon stared blankly at the ceiling.

Penny couldn't help the smirk on her face. "We're friends? When did that happen?"

"To answer your questions in order. One, that all depends if you let me get back to work and two, when you apologized to me." Sheldon blinked. "No one apologizes to me."

"Fine. You're free to solve the mysteries of the universe. My lips are sealed."

"Thank you." Sheldon was suddenly standing by the door. "Oh. One more thing. I've noticed you have a slight snoring problem. You might want to see a..." He hesitated. "..._a throat doctor or whatever._" He bobbled his head, evidently proud of himself for speaking in her vernacular.

Penny threw his pillow at him.

ooo

Penny slept well for hugging the right side of Sheldon's bed to the point where she almost rolled off in the middle of the night, but when she woke up at seven o'clock in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep, tossing and turning and making a mess of Sheldon's covers--again--a smidgen of vengeance veiling her attempts to make herself comfortable, she blamed Sheldon.

Of course she blamed Sheldon. He was dead. What's not to blame?

She got out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen. "Need coffee," she groaned. "Need coffee."

It was then she remembered, _I used the last of my coffee on Leonard yesterday morning. Frak if I forgot to buy some more last night._

Penny blindly poured herself a bowl of cereal, sloshing milk on the counter. She didn't care. It was all Sheldon's fault. She shuffled to the couch and took a seat, smacking the taste of sleep out of her mouth. She needed coffee. Maybe she could wheedle Sheldon into going to the market for her? Maybe? He could make himself visible. He could--

What if someone recognized him?

He could wear something different.

Would that work? Or would he seep through the fabric?

(The thought of seeping flesh, illusory or no, made her nauseated.)

Penny spent so much time and energy plotting potential disguises for Sheldon to wear so that nobody would notice he was not among the living, she roused herself completely awake, which only ticked her off. Penny loaded a lump of marshmallows into her mouth and said, "Dis e' ahh oo faut!" She pointed her spoon at Sheldon's board, where she assumed Sheldon was hard at work on his...thing.

But he wasn't.

Not that Penny minded being alone. Not at all. It was just, once she got used to his presence drifting around in all its freezing lucidity, she felt a little lost without the ambivalence that was Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

"'eld'n?"

"You called?"

Penny jumped. Lucky Charms spilled in her lap. No matter how many times he materialized in his spot out the random, it never ceased to surprise her. "Wah've oo 'en?"

"Many people attempt to converse while they ingest their food. I find it vulgar." After Penny finished chewing and swallowing, he answered her question, "You made me miss Laundry Night."

"Laundry Night?" Penny glanced at his Green Lantern t-shirt. "You don't do laundry."

"Au contraire. I haunt the laundry room on Saturday. Those tenants who choose to do their laundry on Saturday have the benefit of my assistance. Since you disrupted Laundry Night, I had to reschedule." He smiled proudly at himself. Like it was some big accomplishment to reschedule anything.

Penny stared. And stared. And stared. "You don't show yourself to them, do you?"

Sheldon shot her a withering look. "Don't be ridiculous. I sort their lights and darks when they're not looking."

Penny set her bowl on the coffee table. She laced her fingers together over her knees. "Let me get this straight. You're dead."

"Beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"You can pretty much do whatever you want without any repercussions."

Sheldon shook his head. "My life is being scrutinized by St. Peter, allegedly, as my life unfolds before my eyes." He paused and gazed off into the distance as if he were taking time out of his day to watch himself do the things he's already done. "I can't afford to fly off the handle, Penelope."

"Wait." Penny repositioned herself on the couch. "You mean to tell me you're at Heaven's gates?"

"I suppose."

"Then how are you here?"

"I'm both here and there. In point of fact, I'm everywhere. Would it interest you to know that, in an alternate universe, you're an actress?"

Penny's jaw dropped. "Alternate universe?"

"I've seen the cosmos," Sheldon said omnipotently. "I've seen things you wouldn't believe. I would attempt to have you publish my findings, but I doubt anyone on Earth would take my notes seriously. That or they would staple my ramblings as a foolish man's Revelation."

"What happens next?"

"Either my name is in the Lamb's Book of Life or it's not. I got to Heaven or I go to Hell. Presumably."

He was dead and speaking as if the things he was currently enduring were only hypothetical.

_Wow._

Penny considered asking Sheldon more about death, but she decided, at fault of his circumstance, that she would rather be surprised. He was taking all the fun out of dying and going to Heaven. Or waiting in Purgatory. Or whatever he was doing. "I need coffee," she whined instead.

Sheldon's smile was so broad Penny leaned away from him. "Great!"

"Great?" Penny's shoulders slumped.

"This is perfect." Sheldon dug out a pen and pencil from his desk drawer. "I need tea and trashbags and Windex and--"

Penny moaned.

"Don't just sit there, Penelope!" He waved his memo pad at her. "Go get dressed!"

Penny fell over on her side and buried her face in Sheldon's pillow. "Kill me now."

"Sarcasm?"

"I need coffee."

"So you've said. You won't be getting any coffee half-naked on my couch. Do you have any idea the chances of coffee spontaneously materializing on my kitchen counter?"

Penny glared at him. "You do?"

Sheldon mumbled something about quantum mechanics.

Penny grabbed her jacket and tied her hair in a hasty bun. "C'mon, Einstein."

"Oh, I'm not going with you. Hence the list."

Penny's eyes burned with a righteous fire. "You're. Coming." She used the tone her mother did whenever she or her sister tried sneaking out of the house wearing something inappropriate. The 'Change Now' tone.

Sheldon balked.

Penny opened the door and pointed down the stairs. "Get in the car. I'm not playing the _Honey-Do_ list crap with you. I'm not your maid."

Sheldon lowered his gaze and followed her instructions so carefully and so slowly Penny was afraid he was dissipating. Or following the light. Or whatever. Sheldon scribbled another item for her to buy, his face stony. "Remind me to mark my calendar for future reference."

"For what?"

"Your menstrual cycle."

ooo

Sheldon sat in her passenger seat, seatbelt fastened. He looked out the window, his head twisting and turning like a puppy. If he weren't already dead, Penny would have been concerned about him wetting himself in his excitement. "Oh, boy," he piped. "I haven't been out of the apartment in years."

"Years?"

"Not in this universe."

Again with the alternate universe stuff. Penny pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Op--hey! Hands on the wheel at all times!"

Penny made a big deal of gripping her steering wheel at 10:00 and 2:00, thinking Sheldon would interoperate her theatrics as a hint to shut his hole.

"That's better."

_Or not._

"We should play a game."

_Hell. _

Sheldon bounced in his seat. "I'll name an element on the periodic table and then you name an element on the periodic table that starts with the last letter of the aforementioned element." He grinned at Penny, waiting for her to respond. When she didn't, he said, "Magnesium."

Penny shrugged. "I dunno. Metal?"

Sheldon was silent for a moment. "Maybe Twenty Questions is more your speed."

_Double Hell._

ooo

Penny liked going to the super market. She hated spending money on food, but she loved watching people. When she and Kurt first started dating, they would go grocery shopping and _Card_, a game Penny fell in love with after reading a book titled _Star Girl_ in her Freshman year of high school. Granted, _Star Girl_ was the only book she ever finished completely and of her own, free will, but whatever. She strove to be Star Girl, in a way.

Minus the rat.

Kurt wasn't particularly inventive, but he brought something to the table, at least. Espionage and sex. Sex and espionage. What a man. Still, the important thing was that he was an avid Carder, laughing, "She needs a [CENSOR] card because she's [CENSOR]!" at the top of his lungs.

But then things changed. Instead of accompanying her to the store, he would hand her a list of the things he wanted and go about his business.

Penny steered clear of thinking about his business at the risk of more waterworks.

She made a mental note to buy some Midol.

Penny glanced sideways at Sheldon, who was going on and on about tomatoes. Or something. _Oh, sweetie,_ she half-applauded, half-lamented for herself. _Look how far you've come. Going from a once-perfect and future-disastrous relationship with Kurt to a love-hate relationship with Sheldon. _

Penny was hesitant to classify what she had going on with a ghost as a relationship. Goodness Gracious Almighty. It was...unfamiliar. And not because Sheldon was dead. It said a lot that she was comfortable enough around him to go as far as destroy his work, give him a hug, and subject him to her hormonal blubbering in less than twenty-four hours. Maybe it was because there was no threat of him getting on, as guys were apt to throw themselves at her feet upon first sight. Like Sheldon told her before, he had no fleshy desires.

Anymore.

"Hey, Sheldon," Penny cut him off. "Did you have a girlfriend when you were alive?" She plucked a can of coffee off the shelf and turned around to face him, her legs crossing at her knees.

"No."

He said this so definitely--and with such nonchalance--"Did you ever have a girlfriend?" flew out of Penny's mouth before she could stop herself.

Sheldon made a face at the prices of his favorite teas. "Outrageous," he grumbled.

Penny tossed the can of coffee in her cart. The clamor made Sheldon sniff objectionably. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, here!"

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

Penny raised her eyebrows, egging him to speak. The sound of squeaky grocery carts and beeping registers at the front of the store did little to dissuade her. (Though, the old man passing them by on his motorized wheelchair almost derailed her single-mindedness to win their match of wills, for he gave her a wide berth like she was having a staring contest with noth--oh.)

"A serious conversation? Like I was trying to have a serious conversation with you about tomatoes. And did you listen?"

Penny snorted, glancing left and right. As if someone would show up and defend her honor. But of course they wouldn't. If anyone were to show up, it would be to escort her to the Funny Farm for talking to empty air. "Sha!"

"Then what did I say?"

Penny pursed her lips. "You know what? Nevermind." She pushed her cart through his stomach with mild satisfaction.

"No," Sheldon said.

"No, what?"

"No, I never had a girlfriend."

Penny left her cart to roll down the aisle without a pilot. She rounded on him, dug her fists into her hips, and asked, "Why not?" Like it was his fault. (It was.) "You're not a bad looking guy, you know. You're tall. You've got pretty, blue eyes. You're scary smart. Smart is sexy!" She tilted her head to one side. Her bun flopped. "Sand the edges of your superiority complex and slip on a button-down and tah-dah! You're Bachelor of the Year!"

"Penelope." By the expression on Sheldon's face, he couldn't even begin to correct her evaluation of himself. "I'm dead."

Penny rolled her eyes, wheeling around for dramatic effect. She grabbed her cart and walked away. She waited for Sheldon to catch up before she asked, "So, what was that about tomatoes?"


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 3100+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

ooo

"So, Friday is reserved for video games?"

"_Vintage_ video games." Sheldon spirited through Penny once they reached the second floor. She shivered, the paper bags in her hands rattling up a storm. Penny glared at his retreating--albeit translucent--back.

"What th' Hell is your problem?"

Sheldon disappeared around the corner. "Mrs. Vartabetian."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Saturday is Laundry Day, right?"

"Saturday _night_ is Laundry _Night_," he corrected her once she caught up with him.

"What do you--or _did_ you--do on Sundays?"

"I used to play paintball on the weekends at the University. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

If Penny weren't weighed down with groceries Sheldon insisted she buy with money she didn't have, she would have shaken her pointer finger at him. She settled for pressing her lips together. "Curiosity killed the cat."

Sheldon sighed, exasperated. "Haven't we already established that I'm dead, Penelope?"

As they climbed the stairs to her--their--_his_ apartment, Penny caught a glimpse of red hair, pigtails, and a bundle of roses before Sheldon physically pulled her down to the third floor landing. "Whu-ut na-aow?" Penny asked, skipping steps to keep her feet, Sheldon having grabbed her by her underarms. She finally stood on her own and swung her grocery bags in giant arcs to rid herself of the feel of ice on her armpits.

Sheldon ducked reflexively, but unnecessarily, his face as white as snow.

It amused Penny to note that his flesh retained its peachy pigmentation. He looked healthy for a dead man. Usually. Now? Not so much.

"Ramona Nowitzki," Sheldon said quietly.

"Why are you whispering? It's not like she can--" Penny gasped. "You _did_ have a girlfriend! You dog!"

"Please, Penelope. I don't tell lies. I did not have a girlfriend. _That_," Sheldon pointed with vehemence. "is a graduate student who could not and still can't resist my genius."

Penny laughed. "Oh, I gotta see this." She hurried up the stairs, asked, "Can I help you?" She ignored Sheldon raising three kinds of Hell.

Ramona was very pretty and very tall. Penny's smile widened while she soaked up her appearance like a sponge. A nosey, nosey sponge. Ramona reminded her of Sheldon. The colors she wore were bright and layered. She had an innocent quality about her, but the vivacious spark in her eyes might have suggested otherwise. She giggled, "No."

"Oh, see, this is Sh--my apartment now." Penny set her groceries on the floor and pulled her keys out of her purse.

"Really?" Ramona's eyes widened. "Would it be totally weird if I took a look inside?"

"As long as you don't try and steal Sheldon's work."

"You mean Dr. Cooper." Ramona patted Penny's shoulder, the sympathy oozing from her person completely irrelevant as far as Penny was concerned. "I know it's tempting to refer to Dr. Cooper by his first name--" She breathed heavily through her nose, borderline orgasmic. "--but we can't be selfish. We need to treat Dr. Cooper with respect."

Penny suddenly regretted inviting Ramona in the apartment. The poor girl was turned on by the thought of calling Sheldon _Sheldon_. "Respect," she peeped. "Right." Penny unlocked the door and carried her groceries to the island in the kitchen, mouthing _Oh. My. God._ to nobody and nothing since Sheldon was MIA.

Ramona stood in the middle of the living room. She shifted her weight from one foot to the next in a _I've-got-to-pee!_ kind of dance Penny recognized all too well. The fangirl jig. A preset, universal routine that transcended race, age, and culture. The calm before the exaltation that manifested itself in the form of SQUEE. Ramona bottled her excitement well. Her "EEE!" was between clenched teeth so it could have been worse.

Maybe.

"I can't believe it! I'm standing in Dr. Cooper's apartment!"

Penny stared.

Ramona placed her bouquet on the coffee table with such reverence, Penny snorted out loud.

"You are so lucky!" Ramona inhaled through her nose again, her wide-set eyes on the brink of sprouting teeth and devouring Sheldon's couch in one, fell swoop. "I can't believe you got to keep his furniture!"

Penny shrugged. "Just lucky, I guess." She hid the growing concern on her face by putting away the groceries. She kept an eye out for Sheldon in the process. Though, why she thought he would be hiding in the refrigerator was beyond her. It just seemed like something a ghost would do. Then she wondered if Sheldon could shrink himself to microscopic proportions and that, if he _was_ capable of the impossible, he could take her with him. Like, _now_. Penny turned from the cabinets, her lips forming the question, 'You did know the super tried to sell Sheldon's furniture, right?' but the sight of Ramona unloading a Ouija board from her shoulder bag was a bolt from the blue and so the only word that came out of her mouth was, "Eh?"

Ramona sat cross-legged in Sheldon's spot on the couch. "Oh, don't worry. I have a class at nine. This'll only take a minute."

"Oh. Okay." Penny, stiff with shock, escaped to Sheldon's bedroom, tossing, "I'm just...gonna get ready for work," over her shoulder. She was relieved when she saw a Sheldon-shaped lump under the covers of his bed. "Sheldon!" she hissed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm hiding."

"You're dead. You can disappear remember? You can probably shrink to microscopic size if you wanted."

"No I can't." Sheldon pulled the covers from over his head. "Not while she's in my apartment."

"Why?"

"She's holding a séance. Or what she thinks is a séance."

"So?"

Sheldon meant to speak Penny's name, but it died on his lips in favor of a death-glare. "You aren't dead. You have no idea what it's like. The living have a terrible influence over those of us who curtailed the agony of waiting for final judgment and suspended our souls through space and time." Sheldon's skin rippled like stagnant water disturbed by a single pebble. "The way is not shut! It was not made by the dead and the dead don't keep it! People reach out willy-nilly for a close encounter of the paranormal, pseudoscientific or not. The supernatural realm isn't full of macaroons made specifically for them by their Meemaws! Souls aren't treats that cater to their indulgences!" Sheldon covered his head again.

"Fine. I'll kick her out."

Sheldon was suddenly blocking his bedroom door. "No! Don't!" His voice was panicked. His skin rippled again.

Penny wasn't sure what to think, let alone do. "Okay. Um. Take slow, even breaths and--"

"I'm dead, Penelope! I can't breathe!" Despite this, Sheldon inhaled and exhaled, pretending as if he gripped a paper bag in his hand, which also gave the impression he was tooting a French horn. "Her voice sounds so pleasant." His eyes glazed over. "I should offer her some tea." Sheldon solidly opened the door and walked, in a trance, toward the living room.

"Crap!" Penny wrapped her arms around Sheldon's waist. She threw her weight into holding him at bay like some perverse Heimlich maneuver. Sheldon was taller than she was and smarter than she was, but he wasn't a Junior Rodeo champion. Penny used her body to drag him to the floor. In the time it took for him to complain about how gravity should not have power over him, she was sitting on his stomach and plugging his ears with her fingers.

If Penny had half the mind to contemplate their compromising position, she would have been sorely disappointed in herself. After her relationship with Kurt had crashed and burned, she had made a promise that she would not straddle a man until the hurt Kurt had inflicted upon her heart had healed. And it hadn't. Not even close. It still stung like a bad paper cut. No. A cardboard cut. Doused in lemon juice. Under the nail of her big toe. The keratin split with a toothpick. After kicking a brick wall.

Yeah.

But she wasn't thinking about Kurt. Or the straddling. Or the heartache. She was a regular Harry Price.

Sheldon fazed through the floor and Penny fell on her bottom. "Balls!"

Sheldon reappeared a second later, stepping guardedly from his bedroom as if his bones would shatter into a million pieces if his pacing were too asymmetrical or his footfalls too heavy. He was wearing a woolen hat folded over his ears. Its tassels swung back and forth like braided pendulums. He raised his eyes to the ceiling, unable to look Penny in the face. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Don't mention it."

"Did I hur--"

"No. Really." Penny held out her hand for Sheldon to take. He hesitated before he helped her stand to her feet. As always, he felt as cold as ice, yet soft. He felt Tempur-Pedic mattressy, only made of sterner stuff, prone to frittering away at a moment's notice. He felt wafer thin, but dense, too.

He made no sense, basically.

Penny's mind reeled at the ridiculousness of the illusory appendage in her hand, working overtime in its attempts to categorize the uncategorized. To name a color that didn't exist in the realm of visible light. This wasn't the first time she had felt Sheldon, but it was the first time contact with his skin had lasted more than a split second.

Penny pressed the palm of her other hand flat against his chest. The cloth of his shirt merely felt cold, like she expected it would, and so touched his face.

Sheldon closed his eyes. His nostrils flared. "May I ask what you're doing?"

"You feel so weird!" Penny exclaimed in her Dude-Where's-My-Car? voice.

"I wouldn't know." He let her faze through him.

Penny pulled her hands back. "You can't feel?"

"Of course I can't! My nerve endings are--"

"Don't you dare say the D-word! What am I supposed to do with Ramona?"

Sheldon didn't offer any suggestions.

"Has she done this before?"

"Once before."

"You didn't show yourself to her?"

"I've only ever showed myself to you." He paused. "Accidentally."

"Who have you appeared to on purpose?"

"No one!" Sheldon squeaked, clearly upset by the idea. "I meant that I only ever appeared to you, which was an accident!" He gave Penny a familiar, fleeting look. The same one when they first met. It spoke volumes without saying a word. In a foreign language, though, because Penny didn't understand. "As for Ramona, she was never allowed to come inside my apartment, much less use things of mine in her attempts to converse with me beyond the grave! It's your fault, all the evil that has befallen me today!"

Penny peeked around the corner and into the living room, her back against the wall, James Bond-esque. Sure enough, Ramona had collected a few of Sheldon's belongings and arranged them in a star shape on the coffee table; his dry-erase marker, his fork, his striped pillow, a collection of papers, his laptop, and his mug. She was chanting something ominous. "What's she saying?"

"She's speaking in Latin. Titillating me with the memory of the senses that have been denied to me upon my death. Taste, smell, and touch."

Penny laughed quietly to herself. "So if I start describing what a peach tastes like you'll freak out? Or does it have to be in Latin?"

"That's a common misconception. Latin has nothing to do with it." Sheldon joined her in spying on Ramona. His eyes glazed over again. "Oh, Lord, she's touching my stuff."

Penny stopped him from running into the living room, for he was solid again. She held him by his elbows and made him stand in front of her. "What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal?" Sheldon almost rippled to pieces. He stooped so that she and he were on the same level, the anger in his voice ethereal. "The soul has the capacity to feel, but not in this world. Not _well_ in this world. Being deprived of something as simple as the deliciousness of an intake of breath. Something as simple as the feel of your heart beating in your chest. Or the smell and taste of Thai on Monday nights. Frankly, it's Hell on Earth."

Penny was suddenly very aware of her breathing. She watched her breath blossom across Sheldon's face like plumes of vellum.

Ramona stopped chanting. "Fiddlesticks!"

Penny took the opportunity to flee from Sheldon, mock-sympathize with the strange graduate student, and show her out of the apartment while reluctantly pinky-swearing a sisterhood (the basis of which she did not fully comprehend). Penny stepped out of the apartment for some much-needed alone time. She rubbed her upper arms, taking a moment to feel what she felt. _Really feel._ The friction on her skin. The way her fingertips tingled at the contact.

She was really, freakin' thankful this morning.

"Penny?"

Penny blinked. Leonard lingered in the doorway of his apartment. It had been so long--rather, it seemed like so long--since someone had called her _Penny_, she almost didn't respond to her name. Penny blushed at the realization. Stupid Sheldon and his stupid Queen Penelope fixation. "Hey, Leonard." She flashed him a smile, embarrassed that this was their second meeting and she was, yet again, in her pajamas.

Leonard, on the other hand, was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and an assortment of layers. A hoodie and zippers galore. "Hey, um..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "...are you doing anything..."

He protracted his question for so long, Penny asked, "Ever?"

"Today," he finished.

"I'm working."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Penny made a disappointed noise out of the side of her mouth even though she wasn't disappointed. Not that she didn't like Leonard. She did. She was just a bit distracted at the moment. "What's the rub, sweetie?"

"I was hoping we could go grab some coffee or something. But if you don't want to, that's okay. I mean, you aren't obligated--I was just going to pay you back for making me coffee yesterday."

If Penny's heart had had arms, it would have flailed them. "I'd love that. I'm off tomorrow."

"Wh--really? Great!"

"Yeah. It's a date." Penny shut herself inside 4A with a spring in her step.

Sheldon was standing beside his spot, staring at the little butt print on his cushion. He made a God-awful moaning sound that did his ghostly stature justice. "You're making a grave error," he said.

Penny stalled, thinking he was going off about his invasion of privacy instead of Leonard. "Excuse me?"

Sheldon's mouth twisted into a frown. "He's not the one you're--"

Penny silenced him with a wave of her hand. "Okay, okay. I get it. You don't like Leonard. I don't understand why, but you don't."

Sheldon walked through the coffee table just so he could stare down his nose at her. Penny held her ground. "I could explain myself fully, I you'd prefer."

"No, thank you." Penny's eyes narrowed to slits. "For a ghost who harps on about feelings, you sure aren't very mindful of other people's." She marched to the bathroom before Sheldon could say something about how he had explicated touch, taste, and smell of the soul, not emotions. Or whatever. Penny took her shower without the slightest sign of sabotage from Dr. Cooper, anyway.

Maybe she hit an illusory nerve.

Penny didn't see hide nor hair of Sheldon before she left for work.

ooo

Penny unlocked 4A and poked her head inside the door.

Sheldon had his arm draped across the top of his board, his nose a hairsbreadth from the scrawl of his handwritten equations. He tapped the tip of one of his markers against his chin. His corporeal chin.

Perfect.

Penny smirked. She tip-toed to the couch, quickly assembled the Dollar Tree toy she bought on her way home from the Cheesecake Factory, stashing the plastic bag under the coffee table in the meantime. She took aim and pulled the trigger, hardly able to suppress the laughter bubbling in her throat. A foam projectile jettisoned across the room and hit Sheldon square on the back of his head.

Penny counted five Mississippis before he mustered the composure to stop ignoring her. "Surprise!"

Sheldon cocked his eyebrow.

"You said you played paintball on the weekends, right?" Penny waved another unopened Nerf gun for Sheldon to see. "I'm not sorry about what I said earlier, but I know I've been a pain in your ass since I got here so this is my way of saying thank you for putting up with me and my llama drama."

Sheldon blinked.

"Llama drama being girl drama."

Sheldon looked from Penny, to the Nerf gun, to Penny again. "In what universe is a Nerf gun a paintball gun?"

_Pop_. Penny shot him in the chest.

Sheldon scowled.

"I'm not made of money, okay?" Penny pointed to the foam balls on the floor by his feet. "Could you grab those for me? Each gun only came with two balls."

Sheldon was suddenly looming, foam balls in one hand and (liberated) Nerf gun in the other. He loaded the plastic chamber and shot Penny between the eyes. "I can shoot so close to a raccoon that it craps itself," he drawled.

"Good for you." Penny tore open the other Nerf gun and shot him in the crotch. "I shoot to kill."

_Pop. _

_Pop. Pop. _

_Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop._

ooo

Penny gasped for breath, bracing herself on her knees. "Cheater!" She rocked on her heels and fell over backwards onto the couch.

"I do not cheat."

"You can't dissipate in the middle of a Nerf fight, Sheldon!"

"I did no such thing."

"My ball went right through you!"

"No. You missed."

"Bite me."

"There's no need to get upset."

"I'm not upset!"

"The register of your voice suggests otherwise."

"Register this."

"That is very unladylike, Penelope." When she didn't retort, Sheldon asked, "Penny?"

Still nothing.

He hurriedly checked her vitals. Once he assured himself that she had only fallen asleep, he fetched a blanket from the closet and tucked her in, taking off her shoes, carefully sliding a pillow behind her head, and repositioning her limbs until she resembled himself when he used to go to sleep. Straight as an arrow, her hands folded across her stomach.

He couldn't. No, he shouldn't.

To Hell with it.

Sheldon gauged the distance, leaned forward, and kissed her mouth.

He felt nothing. Like always.

"Irony, thou art a heartless bitch."


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 3600+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

ooo

_Squeak, squeak. _

Penny flinched.

_Squeak, swish._

She opened her eyes.

_Squeak, squeak, squeak._

"Ugh. What time is it?"

Sheldon was busy scribbling on his board. Penny gave him ten seconds to put down his marker and answer her question before she started chucking whatever she could get her hands on. Almost precognitive, he looked at his wristwatch just as Penny was reaching for her shoes, which were set side-by-side under the coffee table with the Nerf guns. He laughed at himself, double-taking Penny's scowl, and then spoke soberly, "My watch stopped when I died."

"That's _funny_ to you?"

"No. It's funny I keep checking it like it's still working. It used to be linked to the atomic clock."

"Ah." Penny yawned. "The only way I can keep living here with you is if we make a _don't-wake-Penny-up-before-11:00_ rule."

"Yes. Well." Sheldon capped his marker. "It's a quarter 'til. Not only that, Leonard's on his way to collect you."

"Already?"

"Penelope, the man wants to have sexual relations with you. Of course he would go on a date during his lunch break rather than wait until after work like someone of substantial intelligence."

"Cheese 'n crackers." Penny chewed on her bottom lip. "I feel like a douche. I never specified a time or anything." She hurried through _The Drill_. A four-step, foolproof pre-date routine that never failed to deliver. 1.) Smell good: a conservative application of men's cologne. There was nothing that drove a man crazier than the smell of another man on a woman he wanted for himself. 2.) Hair: classy, but accessible. 3.) Dress: yellows, pinks, and blues. Always loud. Pastels washed her out. 4.) Make-up: light and natural, concentration on the eyes.

In the course of step three, Penny discovered her clothes were missing from the guest room. She padded into the living room in nothing but a towel and asked, "Where's all my stuff? Not suspended on a wire, I hope."

"Your clothes are hanging in my closet and folded neatly in my chest of drawers in my bedroom. I expected you to unpack days ago, but you never did so I designed you an organizational paradigm, sorting your dresses, shirts, pants, and undergarments by color, label, and season. Though, I couldn't decide which panties you wore on Mondays."

_Is he for real? _

Penny snorted at herself.

"There's nothing funny about-"

"No," she interrupted him. "I mean, thank you."

"I didn't touch your toiletries or your collection of Care Bears."

Penny flashed him a thumbs up and wandered off to his bedroom to change. She chose a pair of blue jeans that made her butt look phenomenal and a yellow blouse she liked to wear when she was feeling particularly happy. And, yeah, she was pretty happy this morning. The best she had felt in a long, long time.

"How do I look?" Penny struck a pose, squaring her shoulders against the wall in the hall where Sheldon could see her from where he stood stressing over his formulas.

He bequeathed her the stingiest of once-overs. "You're a pretty woman, considering your symmetrical features and low body fat Western culture deems attractive."

"Oh, stop. You think I'm hot."

"Hot is not a term I would use to describe you."

Penny sauntered toward him. "What word would you use to describe me, then?"

Sheldon turned his back on her. _"Words."_ He looked at his watch, trying to be sarcastic. "What a shame. You don't have time to listen to me ramble a list of synonyms for beautiful."

Penny's heart swelled. She felt as if she had to swallow hard before it floated out of her mouth and bobbed around on the ceiling. She skipped to Sheldon's side and kissed him on the cheek. He wasn't solid so her face melded with his like a blast of cold air. "You're sweet."

Sheldon said nothing.

Penny grabbed her purse and waved goodbye. It wasn't until she arrived at Starbucks with Leonard that she noticed Sheldon had slipped a keychain-sized can of pepper spray close to her wallet.

ooo

Penny secretly hated Starbucks. The coffee was good, the atmosphere was good, but the pretense limit was almost always exceeded. Honestly. There were only so many beatniks in Pasadena. What were the odds that every single Abercrombie and Fitch wearing college student with a Mac would converge in the same place at the same time to type their little screen plays?

Penny smiled when she thought, _Sheldon would know._

Yeah. She preferred gas station coffee, but the local Shell wasn't exactly the stuff of first dates.

"El Buck-oh de Star-oh," she snorted.

Leonard raised his eyebrows. "That's technically incorrect."

"Oh, I know." Penny waved him off. She grabbed her caramel macchiato, suddenly regretting her beverage of choice, casting a wistful glance at the green tea blend. _I bet Sheldon would enjoy something like that,_ she mused.

Leonard followed Penny to a table by the window. The intoxicating aroma of sugar and cream and the feel of the heat outside warm her bare skin was just what the doctor ordered. Penny crossed her legs. She smirked when the tips of her toes grazed Leonard's shin and he blushed as red as the light fixtures.

"S-So," Leonard stuttered. "Where did you go to college?"

Everything went south from there. Her optimism, the taste of her coffee, even the sun didn't shine as brightly as it had just seconds before. Penny hid her disappointment behind the lid of her cup and countered his question with, "Where did _you_ go?"

Leonard took the bait, hook, line, and sinker. Penny saved herself from having to own up to dropping out of community college. She sipped her coffee, nodding her head whenever she felt it was appropriate, and deviated from the conversation as soon as she could without appearing too anxious to change the subject. "You said you met Sheldon once."

Leonard's face fell. His eyes shifted around the room and back again. "Yeah. _Once_," he said in a way that hinted he was coming upon his original question: "Why do you call him Sheldon?"

_Crap. _

Penny shrugged her shoulders. "I've been living in his apartment for a few days already. I guess I feel like I know the guy."

Leonard laughed. "If you really knew him, you'd wish you didn't."

A flare of resentment caught Penny unawares. She was more protective of Sheldon than she realized. She grabbed her cup with both hands, hooking her thumbs around the rim of its lid. Even Jack Johnson playing softly over the radio didn't take the edge off Leonard's insult. "What do you mean?" Penny prayed to God he wouldn't be able to tell how her voice was stiff with offense.

"Dr. Cooper was batcrap crazy."

He had a point.

"It was always his way or the highway. He belittled the work of his coworkers. He would always embarrass himself and those around him-quoting this, referencing that-and the sad part was he didn't seem to care that everybody made fun of him behind his back."

Penny's cup began to dimple. She dropped her hands into her lap so she wouldn't make a mess.

_...you really think that you're immune to it's gonna get the best of you..._ Jack sang.

"People made fun of him?"

"It was kind of hard not to."

No wonder Sheldon was poisoned against Leonard. Penny liked to think of herself as the kind of girl who didn't judge books by their covers or even their opening chapters. She liked to think of herself as the kind of girl who looked for the best in people. There were only a few exceptions and that was Kurt, Stacy (the whore from Omaha who broke her brother's heart), and possibly Leonard, depending on how he answered, "Did you make fun of him?"

"No. Never." Leonard sank in his seat. "I had nothing but respect for the man. He was brilliant."

Penny leaned closer to Leonard across the table. "How did Shel-Dr. Cooper die?"

"He, uh, got sick."

"How?"

"Can we talk about something else?" Leonard pleaded, whiney. "All this talk of Dr. Cooper makes me think you believe in ghosts or something."

"I do believe in ghosts."

If it was possible for their conversation to plummet further south, it did.

ooo

Worst. Date. Ever.

Not only had she managed to aggravate Leonard over her obsession-as he called it-with Sheldon, she felt like a giant loser. How could she compete with a scientist? Sure, Leonard tried to make her feel more important than she really was. He dubbed her a carbohydrate delivery system, but that just pissed Penny off since she didn't have a clue how that made her job more glamorous.

"Call it whatever you want. I make minimum wage."

Thank the Lord they rode in separate vehicles, what with Leonard having work to do. Penny's car would have further shamed her making its bi-monthly _clunkity-clunk_ sounds. So needy. What did it want this time? Oil? Every time she turned around it wanted oil. "Fine!" she snapped, pressing her pointer finger against the dash while she drove home, mistakenly taking her eyes off the road and almost causing a five-car pile-up. "You'll get your oil, but you can forget about getting your tires rotated!"

_Clunk. Hiss. Sputter. _

Penny cut across traffic before her car wheezed its final breath and died between the lines of her parking spot.

Her day off was really starting to suck balls.

ooo

Penny made herself busy so she wouldn't have to discuss her date with Sheldon. Her attempts to avoid conversation with 4B's resident ghost were unwarranted. Sheldon was still pouring over his boards, his back hunched and his expression grim. She put her toiletries away, hiding her tampons behind the mirror over the sink in the bathroom. She collected all her dirty clothes and dumped them in the hamper in Sheldon's bedroom. There was little else she could do with the rest of her stuff, already ironed and sorted. As Leonard said, Dr. Cooper was freakin' brilliant.

Penny plopped down on the couch. She watched Sheldon think…watched his fingers curl in sync, twirling the barrel of his marker up and over his knuckles, catching the cap in his palm, reverse and begin again. He was surprisingly dexterous. And ambidextrous, switching hands, allowing the other to rest in the crook of his arm. Penny was entranced watching his nimble fingers at work, occasionally pausing in their acrobatics to make a mark with a precise flick of the wrist, the illusory muscle in his forearm jumping. Then he would take a step back and stare hungrily at his progress.

"You never told me what you did on Mondays."

"Yes I did."

"What? When?"

"Yesterday. I told you it was miserable _not_ to be able to smell or taste Thai on Monday nights. Monday Night is Thai Night." Sheldon capped his marker. "I have no need to eat so-" He turned to face her, his eyes glinting suggestively.

Penny felt the heat rise. She pulled on the ends of her bangs to make _whatever-it-was_ go away.

"You should eat Thai food."

"Why?"

"You'll love it. Grab your keys."

Alarms sounded off in Penny's head. She couldn't drive. Her car, rest in peace, was in no condition to carry her anywhere unless she wanted to join Sheldon in the afterlife. "No, no. I'm fine. I think I'll just stay home, watch the boob tube, and eat some ice cream."

"Nonsense. You're eating Thai." Sheldon folded his arms across his chest. The light from the apartment and his transparency heightened the definition in the backs of his hands and his wrists and his forearms.

"Fine," Penny heard herself say. "But I feel like walking."

ooo

Walking was a mistake. The Thai food restaurant wasn't far, but Sheldon demanded she buy the right kind of mustard at the right super market and the right low sodium soy sauce on the right shelf and the right bottle and the right everything. Penny thought she was going to die, ordering her food to his specifications, him insisting that his order was the best order. She couldn't stand the curious looks she received when she quoted Sheldon's dying words (hardy har-har) to the confused and irritated employees.

White rice, not brown. When they didn't comply with Sheldon's preparatory terms, he ordered her to protest. Vociferously. Penny put her foot down, telling Sheldon to leave her the Hell alone, but then she was escorted outside for some fresh air because, _hello_, she was talking to herself. On the plus side, the manager was terrified she was ill. He let her have her meal for free and made her leave.

"I can't argue with you in public, Sheldon."

People skirted around her on the street.

The impression of insanity did her no favors. People made snide comments. Followed-

_Followed_ her?

Penny looked over her shoulder.

_Hot damn,_ she thought miserably.

Penny picked up her pace, more and more aware of the hooded individual shadowing her footsteps. Sheldon was unmindful, complaining about her lack of complaining at the restaurant. Penny reached into her purse for her pepper spray.

"And furthermore-" Sheldon exhaled quickly through his nose, though it wasn't necessary, and turned around to face the man Penny assumed he hadn't noticed. He appeared to him. "Penelope wants nothing to do with you. Go away."

The man stumbled in surprise. When he reached inside his hoodie for his switchblade, Sheldon grabbed him by the arm and steered him in the opposite direction. Though the young man cut Sheldon across the chest, whether accidentally or on purpose, Sheldon felt nothing.

"I suggest you stay in school." He pushed him on his way.

A shimmering gash gleamed across Sheldon's chest, but it stitched itself together fairly quickly. He ignored the wound. If, in fact, it qualified as a wound.

Penny gaped. "I can't believe you just did that!"

"Why would I not do that? You're important to me."

"I'm important to you?"

Sheldon made a face. "If I wasn't dead, I would have run away."

"Why?"

"Wh-" Sheldon's mouth fell open like she had asked him why two plus two equaled four. "Honestly, Penelope, nothing inside your purse is worth as much as your life."

"But it's the principle of the thing!"

"No." Sheldon pierced her with a glare that made her shrink two-feet tall on the inside. "No. It is _not_ the principle of the thing. If I wasn't dead-if I wasn't absolutely sure no danger would come to you by resisting robbery and scaring the living daylights out of that man-I would not have compromised your safety just because Hollywood set the precedent to physically fight off an assailant, thus winning fair lady's heart. _Bravado_ is not important to me, _you_ are important to me."

"I'm important to you?"

Sheldon shook his head. "This conversation is starting to circle. Let's go home."

They walked back to the apartment in companionable silence. Sheldon clucked and hissed when Penny swung the bag of Thai food in time with her stride. ("Would it interest you to know that, in an alternate universe, you were known as the Queen of Hearts?")

As they walked past a neighborhood park, Penny said, "I need to rest my feet." She hopped the short fence, the gravel crunching satisfyingly underneath her sandals. Sheldon ghosted along behind her. He kept whatever comments he was bound to have to himself. Thankfully. The less they spoke of their walking instead of driving, the better. She didn't want to have to explain her engine troubles.

Sheldon was suddenly loitering by the swing set. The streetlights contrasted his profile with the night. He looked like a creeper, as thin and awkward as his frame. Penny set her takeout on the ground and tied the plastic bag into a bow.

"How was your date with Leonard?" Sheldon asked.

_Wait. What?_

"Fun." Penny knelt in the seat of a swing. She sat on the backs of her calves and rocked at her leisure. "There weren't any sparks. Maybe I should try again?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Leonard is not meant for you. Not in this universe." His lips twitched. "Or any other universe, for that matter." Sheldon grabbed the swing, pushing Penny to stop. He looked down into her face and said, "Would it interest you to know that, in an alternate universe, we're neighbors in the same apartment building, 4A and 4B respectively?"

All these alternate universes were starting to make Penny jealous. She grabbed Sheldon's wrists, wanting to touch him again. It was her way of telling herself and all her other, alternate selves, _Ha! I got a ghost and you don't, so suck it._ She couldn't fool her heart, however, and it withered like a dying flower. Penny traced the veins in Sheldon's forearms to his elbows, innocent of what she was doing.

"Penny?"

_Uh-oh_. Time to dial her big ol' five-ness back down to zero.

Penny stood on her knees so she and Sheldon were face-to-face. "Yes?"

Or not.

Sheldon recoiled, forgetting he was corporeal perhaps, and so pulled the swing forward in his retreat. Penny lost her balance. She wrapped her arms around Sheldon's very solid neck. For a moment they intermingled, their noses smothering, and then Sheldon dropped the swing.

Penny fell against him. He caught her reflexively, overcompensating by mistake, crushing the small of her back in a bear hug. Sheldon's hands were panicked and contorted. His wrists bent to escape the feel of Penny's body on the tips of his fingers even though he couldn't technically feel her there, but his soul wasn't as flexible as he would have liked it to be.

Sheldon squeaked.

All at once, Penny fazed through him. Before she face-planted the ground, he grabbed her from behind, under her arms, and helped her stand to her feet.

"YOU _DROPPED_ ME!"

"I did not drop you. I reestablished-"

"You dropped me."

"This is no time for semantics, Penelope."

"Don't give me that Penelope crap!" Penny grabbed her food. She hoofed it all the way back to the apartment building without another word. She felt angry. She _had_ to feel angry. She _needed_ to feel angry. If she didn't feel angry, what was she going to feel? What sort of emotions were buoying around in her chest, pressing hard against her lungs and ribs, making her think she was bound to levitate at any given minute? No. She didn't want to know.

Why didn't she want to know?

She didn't want to know why she didn't want to know. Anger was good. Anger was safe. Anger rooted her feet to the ground. She needed to keep her wits about her. She needed to-

Why was she running?

It felt good. Very good. Better than the emotional chaffing she was currently experiencing. So she ran. Or scuffled. Flip-flops were hard to run in. She ascended the stairs like the world was hot on her trail and purposefully ignored Sheldon already sitting in his spot when she opened the door to 4A.

Penny stuffed the Thai in the refrigerator, Sheldon following her every move with his eyes. His annoying, effervescent eyes. She sat beside him on the middle cushion and fell over on her right side in a heap. "I don't feel so good," she gasped.

"That would be because you just ran half a mile before stretching properly. Are you not hungry?"

"Not anymore." Penny curled her legs to her chest. "I just want to sleep."

"Shouldn't you go to bed if you're tired?"

"Look. If you don't want me to sleep on the couch, say so! Don't be passive aggressive about it!"

"Passive aggressive? I was offering to turn down the-"

"Fine! You know what? Fine. I'll sleep in your stupid bed." But she didn't. No sooner did Penny shut herself in his bedroom did she shun the sight of his bed and the potential suffocation that would bludgeon her senses if she slept there. She couldn't stand the thought of smelling Sheldon on his pillow, even if it was just his detergent, or thinking about his living body nestled under the sheets. Absolutely not.

Penny fled to the spare bedroom where she snuggled in her own comforter on the floor, clinging to the dregs of her anger as she fell asleep.

ooo

Sheldon didn't understand women when he was alive so there was a Snowball's chance in a CAT scanner he understood them any better now that he was dead. He looked at Penny curled in the fetal position flanked by her garbage bags of stuffed animals he hadn't known what to do with, his head cocked to one side. He didn't dare to tuck her in like the night before, but he did kneel on one knee and steal another kiss from her lips.

He lingered.

Again, he felt nothing.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 3800+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

_A/N: Sorry this took so long. My family decided to take an impromptu vacation and I was stranded without my docs for a while. I apologize for spelling/grammatical errors in advance. _

ooo

Penny opened her eyes. She found herself in Sheldon's bed on her back. The sun shone bright through his window, casting its glaring brilliance over all the books on the shelves and the comics in their appropriate bins, playing off the plastic.

Penny squinted. She rolled over on her side and stifled a scream when she saw Sheldon lying next to her. As always, he was wearing his Green Lantern t-shirt and his khaki pants, but something was off. Really off. Penny leaned close while she tried to figure out what it was that didn't sit right with her.

His chest was moving. Up and down, up and down.

He was breathing.

Penny hovered her hand over Sheldon's mouth. His breath warmed her fingers. She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. "Sheldon!" she whispered, afraid she was going to dispel the moment. "Sheldon! You're-"

ooo

Penny opened her eyes. She found herself in the spare bedroom on the floor, rolled up like a burrito in her comforter. She begrudgingly looked on the bright side of things, the dregs of her dream taunting her to grumble inappropriate phrases. She hadn't set her alarm last night so she was lucky to have woken up in time to get ready for her shift at the Cheesecake Factory. Also, she was starving. Her stomach growled something fierce.

Penny stood to her feet and rubbed her aching back. She really needed to get over whatever problems she had with Sheldon's bed. Like, soon.

Penny wrapped her comforter around her shoulders. She padded into the living room feeling guilty about her behavior last night, but she justified her hissy fit by reminding herself how unfair it was of the universe to let her develop a relationship with someone who was predestined to leave her behind, which pressed her buttons. She was the one who did the leaving. She left home, she left Kurt, and she was going to leave Sheldon.

Penny cursed under her breath. The only difference between home and Kurt and Sheldon was that Sheldon hadn't done anything to warrant a Adios, amigo! She wasn't going to start making mountains out of molehills, either, and fabricate reasons to the contrary no matter how crazy Sheldon acted.

Penny stalled at the scene before her. On second thought…

The living room was in a state of disarray. Sheldon sat in front of his computer, the blue glow of its screen casting a neon contour around his head and neck. Penny watched him hack a bank account, a dubious frown on her face.

"Hello, Penelope," Sheldon murmured, striking a final key with a flourish. He spun around in his chair. "I trust you're feeling less hormonal this morning."

Penny raised her eyebrows at the mess. "And I trust you're out of your mind."

"Body. I'm out of body, not out of mind." Sheldon ran his fingers through his hair, which stayed the same. Not a strand out of place. (Penny wished her hair would behave the same. Also, she wished she could see an unkempt Sheldon for once in her life.) "I'm stuck. It really isn't that difficult a hurdle to leap, if you'll excuse the aphorism, but I'm trying to prove my thesis with my three-year-dead mind so as to make your miraculous discovery more believable."

"You're trying to write a paper with thoughts you had three years ago?"

"That's what I said, yes."

"Is that even possible?"

Sheldon gestured with open arms. "Apparently."

Penny rolled her eyes. She left him to his own, whack devices and ventured to the refrigerator for the leftover Thai food. She prepared her breakfast, only remembering to grab the soy sauce and the mustard when Sheldon reminded her that she bought them. She sure as Hell wasn't going to ignore his suggestions after all the trouble it took to appease him yesterday. "I had the weirdest dream last night," Penny said, licking her fingers.

Sheldon was busy clearing the coffee table where a pile of sugar cubes and teabags had accumulated in foreign patterns Penny didn't know or want to know. "Really? The content and purpose of dreams are not fully understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history. I've read _The Content Analysis of Dreams _and I do believe that understanding one's subconscious is pertinent to good health."

Penny stared at him, her mouth slightly agape.

Sheldon motioned for her to take a seat.

Penny snapped out of her trance, gathered her plate of Thai, and sat in Sheldon's spot, her comforter belling around the couch.

He glared.

She moved to the middle cushion and stuck out her tongue.

"Only the dreamer can truly analyze their dream, but asking the right questions is key. Is it your intent to analyze your dream, Penelope?"

She nodded her head.

"What do you remember feeling?"

Penny shrugged. She stuffed her mouth full before she said, "I feld happeh."

"Interesting. Negative emotions are much more common than positive emotions. Go on."

Penny swallowed. "I think it had something to do with you. Did you come in the guest room last night?" She was beginning to categorize Sheldon's ticks by now. It wasn't a twitchy eye that piqued her curiosity or anything like that, but it might as well have been. He offered her the same expression the night they first met when he said, _"I'm not used to being incorporeal so I apologize for appearing to you thus. It's unintentional."_ And the time he told her, _"I meant that I only ever appeared to you, which was an accident!"_

Shitfire! He was lying!

"You came in my room last night, didn't you?" Penny grinned wickedly.

"It helps me work if I know you're sleeping well."

Truth.

Penny closed her eyes and slumped against the couch. She doubted she would catch him fibbing again so soon. He was too smart for that. "Whatever." Penny grabbed the remote off the end table and turned on the television, smashing the power button like it was Sheldon's head. "Take a load off, bright eyes."

"What about your dream?"

It was her turn to lie. "Not important."

"Whoo, boy, you're all over the place this morning." He sat down beside her.

Penny squealed, flipping a couple of channels in reverse. "City of Angels," she crooned. "I love this movie."

"Of course you would."

"It's kinda ironic, isn't it?"

Sheldon sniffed. "I find it hard to believe that a woman of her intelligence and profession would deem it wise to ride down the middle of a street on a bicycle with no hands and her eyes closed." He pointed. "She's just asking to die."

Penny raked her teeth against her fork while she ate, causing Sheldon to curl his lip. "Poor Seth."

Sheldon said nothing.

Penny fanned her eyes before she started to cry. Meg Ryan was beautiful even as she died. "Don't go with them, you stupid bitch," she cursed. "I mean, can't you just hang on? For Seth? Good God, I would." She leaned over through Sheldon to grab the Rubix Cube tissue box. Yet again, she surprised herself at knowing when, for sure, he was corporeal and when he wasn't. Sheldon didn't seem to mind her intrusion, but he turned to face the lower half of her body while she was in transit, stirring her insides. Penny had grown accustomed to the iciness. Nothing could ease the shock of him moving through her, though.

"Penelope." Sheldon's voice rumbled in her chest.

Penny sat up. She could feel the verge of his skin creeping along her shoulders and the back of her neck as if she were pulling herself out of a pool of water. She watched the couch waver and Sheldon's face materialize at her lips. She gasped at the thought of having kissed him in reverse, pulling her nose out from his, mimicking last night's escapade.

Sheldon's eyes were closed.

Penny's breath skated across his cheek, cotton white, but she wasn't cold. Oh, no. She was hot.

"_I would rather've had...one breath of her hair...one kiss of her mouth...one touch of her hand...than eternity without it. One,"_ Seth lamented.

Sheldon opened his eyes. They were intensely blue. Penny couldn't help lowering her gaze to his lips. His bowed lips. It was instinct. Being this close to someone, even if they were dead, was heart pounding. Penny breathed in and out, louder than she intended. Sheldon's mouth was kind of pretty. The planes of his face were precise, much like his science. His philtrum was long, dark by a five 'o clock shadow he would never be able to shave. His chin harmonized with the curvy plumpness of his lower lip, complementing the shape of his jaw. Sheldon's mouth glistened when he spoke her name a second time.

Penny wondered what ectoplasm tasted like. She wet her mouth, the tip of her tongue skating the iciness of Sheldon's upper lip by accident. Totally by accident. Corporeal or incorporeal, she couldn't tell. He was freezing, naturally. Her whole body seized up at the contact. It was like the first plunge into a pool on a hot, summer day. She gasped out loud when she felt his lips part in response.

"Penny…"

_Whoa_.

Penny quickly and efficiently turned the tension on its head. She was very proficient, having learned to dissuade affections via a ploy her sister dubbed The 180. If not for Sheldon, seeing as something of this persuasion was bound to not affect him, then for herself and her post-breakup five-ness. There must be something wrong with me, she worried. "Pay attention to Seth, Dr. Cooper," Penny spoke in a cutesy voice. "Or else you'll miss out."

Sheldon turned away from her, glaring at the sight of the fallen angel body surfing in the ocean. "When they ask me about the least favorite part of my afterlife, I'll tell them it was you."

Penny laughed.

ooo

"I just had an epiphany, Penelope."

"No."

"Let me escort you to the Cheesecake Factory."

"No."

"But I think I'm on to some-"

"No."

"If I help you perform your menial job, the part of my brain that-"

"_No."_ Penny pulled the curling iron from her hair. _"A million times, no!"_

"I'll give you money."

"For what?" she snapped without thinking.

"Your car."

Penny started, burning herself with the curling iron. "Damn." She stuck her finger in her mouth. "Ho' issh et dat oo know a'wout muh cah?"

Sheldon coerced her hand into his, freezing her blistered finger. "This isn't the only universe where you fail to keep your vehicle properly maintained."

Penny shivered.

"That reminds me. It's chilly out. I'll grab my jacket for you."

"I'm fine."

"You won't be."

Penny scrunched her nose. "It's sixty degrees outside!"

"I don't want you catching a cold," Sheldon dropped her hand. "I don't want you to get sick."

"I won't get sick."

"You can't know that." Sheldon looked at them in the mirror. (Penny was mildly surprised that she could see his reflection. Or was that vampires?) "I'll keep my jacket on my person. If I so much as suspect you're chilly, you're wearing it. No ifs, ands, or buts, Penelope."

Penny was hesitant to ask, "Is that how you died? Did you get sick?"

Just as hesitant, Sheldon answered, "Something like that."

ooo

"The Odd Ball needs its ticket." Sheldon announced, unseen to and unheard by anyone else but Penny. Even the tacky jacket she refused to wear was imperceptible. Penny had yet to figure that one out. "Tables six and seven require pre-bus."

Penny was thoroughly irritated with Sheldon's OCD tendencies until she got her hands on her tips. With Sheldon cracking his verbal whip, reciting to her the orders she needn't write down thanks to his eidetic memory, she was hustlin' and bustlin' and making bank.

She could get used to this.

Sheldon had walked with her to the Cheesecake Factory corporeal. He had no fear of anyone taking notice of him on the street, though, and wasn't dissuaded to accompany her. When Penny had asked him why he didn't walk around corporeal last night, he'd said something along the lines of, "The places we visited were my Monday night haunts, once upon a time. I was sure someone would recognize me."

"It's been three years!" she'd exclaimed.

"Penelope, Penelope, Penelope."

"What, what, what?"

"Nobody forgets this face."

Their teamwork hit a bump in the road when Sheldon's incessant talking distracted Penny to where she bussed a table prematurely and its customer-even though she promised to reorder his food, no charge-called her an idiot.

Penny grit her teeth. She was ready and rearing to defend herself when the man's drink spilled in his lap of its own accord.

Thus, Penny's frown turned upside down. Her smile was so sugary sweet it just might have given birth to unicorns and rainbows in one of Sheldon's alternate universes. She mopped up the man's mess, pampering his ego in the process. She bent over his table, cocked her hips to one side, and wiped it down most unproductively. The customer fished for his wallet at once.

"This," he said, his double-chin wobbling "is for you." He slipped a solitary dollar into the middle pouch of Penny's apron. Deep.

Someone is half an inch away from suckin' hind tit on a two-tit sow. Penny raised her pitcher of water to dump on his head when her crotch literally froze over.

The man withdrew his hand, panic-stricken. Tears welled in his eyes and he stumbled from the restaurant. His Pillsbury doughboy whimpering (Hoo-hoo!) parted the crowd like the Red Sea.

"You're welcome," Sheldon said from out of nowhere.

Penny gasped. She tucked her hair behind her ears, hoping to hide the color in her cheeks. "What did you do?"

"I grabbed his fingers."

Penny blushed harder. Not so much that Sheldon would come to her rescue. No, no. She half expected him to be a hero. She blushed because, fleetingly, his hand had been-well-where it shouldn't have been. The fact that Sheldon had been inside of her, but not in that way, was truly weird. "You grabbed his fingers." Penny's voice cracked. _"There?"_

Sheldon blinked. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

He wasn't getting it.

"You just-" Penny set her pitcher down on the table with more force than she intended. Water splashed her arm. "-invaded my personal space, okay?"

A busboy walked through Sheldon, temporarily dissolving him from view. Still, he asked her, "And this morning? Was that not an invasion of personal space?"

Penny erroneously tried to throw water in his face. Instead, she drenched Leonard.

Wait.

Leonard?

Penny dropped her pitcher. "Oh my God!"

Leonard was shocked, as was everyone else in the Cheesecake Factory.

"Hiya, Penny," he croaked, waving a little. "I thought I'd come and see how you were doing. Maybe order a burger…" His voice died.

"I didn't know you-It was an accident, I-Sheldon-" There was no explaining this. Penny excused herself.

ooo

Sheldon found Penny in the produce cooler between the lemons of the lettuce. He shut the cooler door to give them some privacy. It latched closed from the outside, but it didn't lock. The accidentally-stuck-inside-a-restaurant-freezer only happened in movies, not in real life. Sheldon had a feeling no one would disturb them. Hopefully. With a deep breath he didn't need, he solidified himself, the mere decision to do so bending his soul to his will.

In the world of metaphors, Penny was a time bomb. Defusing her would require the utmost delicacy. She had the potential and the temper to make things very ugly very fast.

"Are you alright?"

Penny refused to look at him. She sat on a stack of wooden crates, her knees drawn beneath her chin and her arms wrapped around her shins. "Oh, yeah. I'm great. I was only sexually harassed by some jerk. I only embarrassed my friend in front of the entire restaurant and hurt his feelings by accident."

Sheldon took one step forward, crinkling the ice underneath the soles of his shoes. He reminded himself, Don't rush. Sudden movements were not in his favor.

Penny cut her emerald eyes at him. "Go away." She meant the opposite. But of course she meant the opposite. She was a woman. "I just need a minute by myself."

Sheldon took another step. "No."

"I don't have the patience for your sympathies today."

"I'm not here to sympathize."

"Why are you here, then?"

Sheldon took another step. "I don't understand why you're upset."

"You wouldn't." Penny glared at her shoes, not seeing the scuffmarks or the crusted bits of mashed potatoes, but something else. "I thought..." Penny furrowed her eyebrows. The freezer's archaic units killed the silence she wrought, growling loudly. Waterfalls of icy air slathered the walls and the floor. The produce cooler could have passed for the set of an MTV music video, Sheldon thought, as if he knew anything about music television. "...I thought I was supposed to feel something, you know? I want to feel something."

Sheldon's soul tingled at her words. "Feel what?"

"Well…it's…Leonard…"

The tingling subsided.

"I feel nothing, though. He would be good for me. So why isn't this working? Is it supposed to be this way or am I just callous?"

Sheldon's nonexistent heart sank to the bottom of his feet. He hated the sensitivity of the human soul and he almost didn't have the means to take another step. He hung his head, wracking his three-year-dead brain, sorely disappointed when he discovered that he hadn't planned ahead any farther.

Penny pursed her lips. "Your silence isn't very reassuring."

Sheldon didn't think Penny was callous. It was apparent, if only to him, that Leonard and Penny were not a match made in Heaven. Why can't Penny see that? he wondered. If anything, she's blind.

"What if!" Penny's eyes widened. "What if Kurt broke me?"

Such drama. Weren't all women silly about love? "Not possible."

"What? Why?"

"You feel something for me." The comment was out of Sheldon's mouth before he could revise and edit. Unfortunately, there was no reset button for their conversation. It was too early to egg a discussion about his feelings and her feelings. Sheldon had witnessed enough alternate universes to know that their relationship was something of a landmine.

When Penny answered him, her tone was indifferent. "It's not the same." She dipped her chin and pierced Sheldon with an ardency he was sure would destroy his entire world if she zeroed in on him exclusively for more than a second. "Right?" 

"Sure," was all he said, having gotten his hopes up.

"The feelings I have for you and the feelings I have for-well-they're completely different. Leonard..." Penny tried to find the words that weren't there. She waved her hands in circular motions, coaxing vocabulary. Then she played a wild card. "You bring out the worst in me, you know? I don't think this living arrangement is working. I'm making you miserable. I'm making Leonard miserable. Maybe it's best if I move out. Let you rest in peace or whatever."

The tingling returned. "You bring out the worst in me, too, Penelope." Sheldon couldn't stop himself, yet he found it difficult to make his voice audible to her, "And the best."

Penny smiled. She batted her apron and stood, graceful like only she could be. "Really?"

"I don't tell lies."

"Oh, I see." Penny waved her hands. "And that whole I didn't mean to appear to you thing? Was that not a lie?"

Sheldon struggled to avoid looking into Penny's eyes. He failed. Every bat of her eyelashes felt like a hammer's blow to his poor, unfortunate soul. Any more of this and he would lose his grip on reality and succumb to death. So, in that regard, Penny was killing him.

Sheldon turned and walked away. 

Penny stuttered, "W-Wait! Don't be such a coward!"

"Coward? The audacity!" He spun on his heel wanting to berate Penny, not step into her.

Sheldon grunted at the impact. The feel of Penny's body fitting so perfectly against his body? The feel of her breasts against his chest? The feel of her breath hot on his shirt? Unforthcoming. Sheldon imagined what it must be like, anyway. His skin would flush. His pupils would dilate. All the usual symptoms. He looked down at her, disgusted with himself. Academia was not the soul's passion. It had no desire to win a Nobel or change the world's way of thinking. All it wanted were two things. To reunite with the God who created it and lavish its mate with pure, unadulterated love. Sheldon was never the type of person to fall victim to his feelings. He was never the type of person to set aside his academic goals for the sake of a pretty face, but neither his mind nor his body were a distraction at this point in time. He was full of love he never had the change to share and his every, waking thought was consumed with the moment he would finally give in; the moment he would finally-

Penny misinterpreted Sheldon's groan. "Did I say coward?" She waved her hands in good favor. "Silly me!"

"Penelope." Sheldon grabbed her wrist before she could escape, a buzz of longing in his ears. "Who is calling whom..." He hugged her against him. "...a coward?" He expected Penny to run away or punch him in his illusory gut, but she didn't. She hugged him in return.

Penny slipped her arms beneath his jacket and around his back.

Feeling nothing, Sheldon decided, This is my eternal damnation.

He was numb to Penny's touch, but her reaction gave him hope. He bottled his happiness as best he could, catching the feeling in his throat before it was too late. He never would have initiated something so risky when he was alive. It took death and more than one alternate universe for him to fully understand how he felt. He loved her. Beyond his mind and beyond his heart, he loved her with his soul.

It hurt like Hell.

"There is nothing wrong with you, Penelope. How many times must I repeat myself? You and Leonard aren't meant to be."

"Who am I meant to be with, then?"

"Whom."

"Whom? Who's whom?"

"No. Whom. I was correcting your English."

Penny shoved him away from her. "Ass."

"I'll assume you're getting cold." Sheldon took off his jacket and threw it into Penny's arms, nonchalant. He opened the cooler door. "I've encroached upon your business enough for one day. I'll see you after work."

Penny blinked.

"For my jacket." What he spoke and what he meant were two, completely different things. He said: _I'll see you after work for my jacket._ What he meant was: _You're staying with me. End of discussion._ Penny was lucky she was talented enough to understand Sheldonese a little better than before.

"Leave the light on for me, sweetie."

What she meant was: _Leave the light on for me, sweetie._


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 2400+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here. 

_A/N: I apologize for errors in advance. I'm human and I make 'em. Often._

ooo

Penny tiptoed to the fourth floor, wincing with every creaky step. She wasn't fully prepared to apologize to Leonard. Or lie to Leonard. Whichever. She used to be so good at fibbing. Her friends called her _Silver Tongue_, among other things. She could weave a believable falsehood faster than a jackrabbit on Red Bull. Her swagger when it came to improvisation only buoyed her desire to strike out of her own, make or break for California, and pursue her dream to become an actress. Only, Sheldon was as tall a tale as she ever would have imagined. For reasons she couldn't fathom, his very existence sapped the 'lie' right out of her 'bag'.

What was she supposed to say? _I thought I saw a bee._

Right. _That_ would make sense.

Penny noticed a woman on the landing. She was staring at Sheldon's apartment door, no-nonsense like. She was tall. Pretty. Her dress was gorgeous. Another Ramona in the making? Penny was hesitant to ask, "Can I help you?"

The woman smiled. "I'm sorry," she said, her accent thick. "You must be Penny. The landlord tol' me all about you. I'm Missy, Sheldon's sister."

Penny blinked. She looked Missy up and down, her brain failing to make the connection. Sure, Sheldon and Missy were both tall, but that was as far as the similarities went. Also, Penny was under the unreasonable impression that Sheldon had no family. He never spoke of them and since he was dead, she assumed the rest of his family was dead, too. It made no sense, but she didn't beat herself up too much. Her mother said: _You can only know what you know. If it has feathers like a duck and it flaps its wings like a duck then guess what? Aflack. _

"You aren't here to take his furniture, are you?"

Missy laughed. "Oh, no. I come t' visit this apartment once'a year. I'm sure ya won't believe me, but I jus' have this feelin' Shelly ain't dead. It's a twin thing."

Penny chose her words carefully. "You haven't had a premonition, have you? Of him?"

"Nope."

_Why would Sheldon show himself to me and not his own sister?_ Penny wondered.

"They never found his body."

Now she was really confused.

"Shelly doesn't do well with humiliation. He secluded himself in his apartment after his return from the South Pole or wherever it was. That's where his experimentin' went awry."

"What happened?"

"Sabotage," Missy whispered behind her hand. "Shelly ain't the easiest person to live with, but my brother didn't deserve t'be treated like that." Missy's eyebrows knit, her expression a whip of emotion. Penny knew that look. It was the same look her mother had on her face when she suggested her Auntie Carol should cook her Uncle Jason a big ol' pot roast after the parakeet took a poop in the crock-pot. It was the look of a vexed sibling. The _Nobody's-allowed-to-mess-with-them-but-me!_ position on the playing field. "Anyway, he held 'imself up, wouldn't speak, which worried me real good. If you knew Sheldon, he was'a talker."

"Tell me about it," Penny said by accident.

Missy didn't hear her. "Nobody attempted to comfort him. I only wish he'd had'a friend to lift his spirits or somethin'. Maybe then he wouldn't have gotten so sick."

Penny's stomach hit rock bottom. The weight of her feelings almost made her sit down in the hallway. "Sick…"

"He stopped goin' to work. He stopped buyin' comic books, even. He just…stopped."

Penny stole a glance at 4A. It was weird. Some days she would come traipsing up the stairs, regard 4A-seeing every notch, every ding-and grimace knowing who awaited her on the other side. Some days the dings were barely perceptible and she would smile because Sheldon would be there. Always be there. Now she regarded the door and it seemed to desaturate before her eyes, as cold as Sheldon's illusory skin. Unfairness pummeled her heart-her soul-and it was then that she realized the ache Kurt has instilled in her was gone. Rather, replaced. She hurt for Sheldon, now. Despite spending four years with Kurt, four days with Dr. Cooper had overshadowed her feelings for the former. One hit, KO.

Penny realized Missy was speaking again. She shook her head, pulling herself from her reverie.

"-Momma alerted the authorities. By the time they got here, Shelly was gone. They reasoned he must'a tried to take himself to the hospital. He never made it there, I reckon." Missy sighed. "Shelly's not the kinda person to stay off the grid. As much as he hates people, he needs 'em too much. He can take care've himself, but not that well."

Penny had to ask, "You still think he's alive, though?"

"He's somethin'," Missy chuckled ruefully. "Maybe I jus' need closure." She glared at 4B.

"Leonard?"

"Yeah. He's the one who killed my brother."

Time stopped. The world stopped turning. Penny was hyper aware how it felt when she exhaled, jagged and delicious. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Something Sheldon would never be able to take pleasure in-take for granted-ever again. She didn't realize she had opened her (his) apartment door. She didn't realize she dropped her purse on the couch. She didn't realize she called, "Sheldon!"

He appeared in his spot. He could see through freakin' walls. He'd overheard them. He started at her brazenness anyway.

Missy followed Penny inside. "Excuse me?"

Penny bared her teeth. The heat was rising. "Sheldon, is that true?" She threw her thumb over her shoulder. "Did Leonard kill you?"

Sheldon wiped his hands like he was washing them. He pulled what she guessed was ectoplasm off his skin and watched in dissolve in a puff of smoke. "Now is not the time, Penelope."

"I don' mean to be a Nosy Nancy," Missy began, the _you-must-be-insane_ tremor in her voice masked expertly thanks to years and years of practice. "But d'ya mind explainin' to me who you're talkin' to?"

Penny shook her finger, sucking her lips into a tight line. "No. No. You'll see." She addressed Sheldon, "Dr. Cooper." (That got his attention.) "Your sister is worried about you. Show yourself."

Sheldon continued to clean his hands. "She has gotten along well enough without me. It would only upset her."

"You are such a douche."

"I'm sorry, but in no universe am I a douche or anything resembling a douche."

Penny faced Missy, her cheeks pink. "I'm not crazy."

Missy pat her back. "You had a shock is all. You need to go lie down."

It was best not to fight it. "Right." Penny trusted Missy not to steal anything or break anything or-well-she didn't care if she got on Sheldon's nerves. She was confused. Mad. Sad. Seriously. WHAT IN THE HELL? _Leonard killed Sheldon,_ echoed in her head, over and over. _Leonard killed Sheldon. Leonard. Killed. Sheldon. _

Numb, Penny shuffled into Sheldon's bedroom. The memory of their first night together teased reality and she swore she saw him sitting on the end of his bed. She reached out to offer him a comforting hand, thinking he had materialized there to escape his reminiscing sister, but he was only an illusion.

"Ironic," Penny snorted. She crashed on his bed, her hands cupped over her chest, trying her best to hold her grief together lest it explode. She pressed the side of her face into Sheldon's pillow, wishing she could become nothing, think nothing. She wasn't used to going toe-to-toe with things she couldn't handle with her words or with her fists or with her car, putting miles and miles between herself and her problems. No. This was completely different.

It was like fire, burning solid. It was like stars burning holes right through the dark, a stage light shining bright behind a heavy curtain. It brought tears to her eyes.

Penny felt herself sinking like she had before, but she didn't move. She set her jaw and tucked her arms closer to her sides, stubborn enough to ride out the waves of chills. Her skin crawled with goose bumps and the covers on Sheldon's bed seemed to vanish in the cold. She wasn't sure when she fell asleep or when she started dreaming or when she knew she was lucid, but she opened her eyes and she wasn't where she was supposed to be.

"Sheldon?"

A flash of red.

Penny drew her knees to her chest. She pressed her back against a cold, steel wall, blinded by the darkness.

Another flash of red.

Penny craned her neck to see where the light was coming from. Up above, a red light spun around and around in its fixture, lighting her room in sweeps of crimson. Penny noticed she was crouched in a cylinder-like container? Prison? Thermos? Hell if she knew. It was riveted and cramped and freezing. It didn't have a door that she could tell. There was a round window, conveniently.

Penny climbed to her feet, her movements disjointed. One moment she was sitting and the next she was standing, dizzy and disoriented. Was she drunk? Her hands were…somewhere…damn, she felt stupid. She had no sense of proprioception and-oh, God-she had been hanging around Sheldon way too long.

Penny pressed the palms of her hands against the steel container. She scratched her nails against the surface, hoping to determine whether or not she was dreaming. She was surprised to note the cringe-worthy noise neither reached her ears nor set her teeth on edge.

"Oh, boy," she said. Her voice was silent.

Penny shielded her eyes against the red light and looked outside. She saw a man dressed in a long, white coat tending to what she assumed was a patient. (He was lying in a Dental Chair.) The lab or office or penitentiary or wherever was cast in shadow. The lamp from a mobile arm attached to the chair was the only light source, distorting the dentist's face; he was tall and lanky. His back, hunched as he was, looked very familiar to her. Penny traced the lines down his arms, willing him to shift enough for her to see.

No such luck.

The patient was wearing khaki pants. Purple, stripped socks. Clown-looking shoes.

Wait.

"_Oh my God!"_ Penny screamed. Again, there was no sound.

Sheldon-_her Sheldon_-was lying not but five feet from where she stood. And…

…he was alive.

She would see him breathing. She could see his chest rising and falling, just like in the dream she had the previous night. His eyes swiveled around behind his eyelids. His face was pale, though, and if the monitors he was hooked up to were any indication, he wasn't well. His heartbeat was irregular. His forehead was damp with sweat. His temperature was unusually low.

The dentist combed Sheldon's hair. He was giving him a trim.

What?

Penny beat her hands against the door. "Sheldon!"

Silence.

She beat harder. She tried to beat harder. Her arms grew heavy and her whereabouts made no sense. Sluggish and slow and skipping like a scratched CD. She was moving through water. Cold, cold water. Her lips were icy. She couldn't part them to speak. The flashing red light dimmed to nothing and there was naught but the frigid fingers of death caressing her face.

Her mouth was so damn cold!

Penny blinked.

She was back in Sheldon's bedroom. Apartment 4A. Pasadena.

And Sheldon!

He was bent over her, close, his eyes shut. He was worrying his bottom lip. The planes of his mouth caught her off her guard.

"Sheldon?"

Suddenly, he was standing alongside his bookcase, as far away from her as he possibly could be. "Penny. I didn't know you were…" He swallowed. "I didn't realize…the change in the internal energy of a closed thermodynamic system is equal to the sum of the amount of heat energy supplied to or removed from the system and the work done on or by the system. So, we can say energy is neither created nor destroyed and there is no free lunch." He spun on his heel and poured over his textbooks. (Like he hadn't read them already.)

Penny rolled her eyes at him. "What would you say if I told you I didn't think you were dead?"

Sheldon visibly relaxed. "I'd say you were good-naturedly ribbing me."

Penny sat up straight. She twisted her fingers in her lap. "I had this dream-"

_THUD_. Sheldon's fist hit the bookshelf. It surprised even him. "Stop."

"But-"

He rounded on her. "Penelope, I'm dead. Nothing you say, nothing you dream, is going to change that. I died right here three years ago."

"Do you remember? Dying, I mean?"

"I remember traveling. Somewhere cold, I think."

"The South Pole?" Penny guessed.

Sheldon continued as if she hadn't spoken, "I remember very little about the experiment I was conducting, but I do remember that Leonard sabotaged my work. That hairy, little hominid."

"How?"

"I don't know. Something to do with an electric can opener." Sheldon's eyes were dark. There was no humor in his voice. "I remember falling ill. Yes. I specifically remember retrieving the measuring cup labeled for urine." (Penny blanched.) "Then, the next thing I know, I'm without a body. I couldn't feel." He looked at his hands, marveling at his lack of sense of touch. "My life began flashing before my eyes, albeit slowly. My soul was on the verge of being torn asunder, pulled in several directions at once. Most of which were familiar to me, but unfamiliar."

"Like déjà vu?"

Sheldon considered. "Fine. Déjà vu. One such path was the end of all things. I was unprepared to pass on, however, and so released myself to the _déjà vu_, as you said. I stumbled across alternate realities and I..." He swallowed. "But that's not important now."

Penny peered out the window like maybe she could recreate the vision of Sheldon lying in that chair. "So you're sure you're dead? There's no alternate universe where you're at the dentist?"

"I'm positive I'm dead. Most of my selves are cautious when it comes to gingivitis so, to answer your second question, that is unlikely.

Penny faked a smile. She promised herself she was going to get to the bottom of this. If Sheldon was somehow alive, she was getting him back. She was pulling out all the stops. She was done bowing out. It was on. Junior Rodeo on.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 2300+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

_A/N: Grammar. Misspelled words. Yadda, yadda, yadda. _

ooo

Light, gentle, caressing, barely touching his face. Warm fingertips on his temple. They trickled over his eyelids, down his cheeks, hesitating before tracing his mouth. A kind nail pulled his bottom lip against his chin. And he breathed.

Sheldon's vision faded as quickly as it came. He sat in front of his computer, his paper completely typed for the forty-second time in three years, ready to be published.

He hit the delete key.

Good Lord, he was losing his mind.

It was pointless. To what would it profit his afterlife if he confessed his, _dear God_, feelings? At first, he had resented Penny, holding a grudge against a person he had never met in his own universe. All too soon-the longer he spent time that wasn't his where he wasn't supposed to spend it-he began to love her, which made him even more upset. He was _Dr. Sheldon Cooper_. How was it possible that his soul, some thing he had no way of measuring or cataloguing in the English language (or any language, for that matter), could feel so strongly for one woman? Forsaking his better judgment? His intellect? His passion for knowledge? How was it possible that the core of his being had somehow turned the very things he worshiped about himself, his safety nets in a world that never truly understood him as a person, into traits more diminutive with every Penny he stumbled across?

He had fled from her, holding himself up in his apartment in his reality. Not to publish any sort of work, as he had led Penelope to believe, but to wait for the her he was doomed to know. Their meeting was inevitable. Wherever he was, she was. (At least once in every lifetime.) He convinced himself there would be nothing about this her that would tug at his no-longer-beating heart.

He was sadly mistaken.

He loved her and he couldn't stand it. He loathed his soul, its tolerance for each and every facet Penny encompassed so uncomfortably low he could barely look her in the eye without-for lack of a better description-snuffing out.

He had wanted to tell her at the very beginning. Get it out in the open so he wouldn't obsess over a trivial confession for the remainder of his stint on Earth. He was still himself, without or without a body. Relationships baffled and repulsed him no matter his sensitive spirit roaming around where it didn't belong. But he couldn't. He surmised such an admission on his part would only scare her. (He was dead, after all.) The chance that she would return his affections was unlikely even though she returned them elsewhere on occasion. So he waited, instead, clinging to a pseudo life as his wits dwindled to die. His ascension was fast approaching and, again, he resented Penny. This time, for taking too long to find him.

She was always the one who found him.

He had resigned himself to death years ago, the stages of grief having run their course. Unfortunately, Penny refused to accept his predestined fate. She was in denial, blathering on about her dreams where he was alive. Would he aid her delusion if he were to admit that he loved her?

And what did he want from Penny, exactly? To what end?

Maybe he had wanted her to feel the futility of it all. Maybe he had wanted her to suffer the same as he. Now? After spending a few days in her presence? Not so much. He wanted her to be happy.

He wouldn't say a word.

ooo

Penny peeked into the living room. It was tidy this morning. Sheldon was at his computer again. He was typing in Word. Or deleting in Word. From where she stood, it looked like he was backspacing the Hell out of his document.

Penny scrunched her nose. Well. He was preoccupied.

Missy was asleep on the couch, a blanket tucked tight around her body.

Penny put her hand over her heart. "Oh…Sheldon…" She shook her head and gripped her purse. She hated to forgo a shower, but Sheldon's life and death were at stake. He wasn't thrilled with what he referred to as a fantasy-she referred to as a revelation-_whatever_. It would make both of them happy to keep her sleuthing a secret. Penny snuck toward the front door, hoping beyond hope…

"Where are you going so early in the morning?"

Penny knocked her fist against her forehead. She heard Sheldon's desk chair swivel in her direction, but she knew better than to check and see if he was still in his seat. He would figure her out the second he looked her in the eye, surely. Thinking quick, she said, "It's a surprise."

"Surprise?"

Penny shivered. Sheldon suddenly stood behind her. As the pitch of his voice fluctuated in his annoyance, bursts of cold air hit the back of her neck. Her stomach spun in circles like a Whirling Dervish. She wondered at the whooshing sensation before she distracted herself from uncovering feelings she wasn't sure she wanted to have by saying, "Yeah. Friends surprise friends with presents."

"You won't be giving me a gift," Sheldon complained. "You'll be giving me an obligation."

"Stay here and take care of your sister. I'll be home after work." She snagged one of the Nerf guns off the shelf, neatly arranged beside Sheldon's toy dinosaur, and while he was listing reasons why Missy would be perfectly fine by herself, Penny loaded the gun and shot him through his chest.

_Pop_.

Sheldon watched the ball roll into the kitchen. "Wow." He turned around. "We need to discuss-"

Penny was already gone.

ooo

Penny hurried down the stairs. _Holy crap on a cracker,_ she thought. _He's going to be mad I'm perusing this…whatever this is. Close call._ She took for granted the smile on her face when she bumped into Leonard. Her expression became hard pressed. _Yeah_, Sheldon could be unbearable. _Yeah_, he was an egotist. But did he deserve to have his work sabotaged? Penny considered confronting Leonard, but she had bigger fish to fry. She needed information. Attacking his honor was not the way to get what she wanted.

Penny was a waitress. She knew how to smile on command. "Hey, Leonard. Sorry about yesterday." She made a _I'm-stupid_ face and quietly screamed, "Ahh! Bee!"

"Thank goodness. I thought I'd done something wrong."

Penny inhaled through clenched teeth. "No, no. You're okay." She tapped the tips of her fingers together and tilted her head to one side like she could somehow weasel her way into getting an answer from Leonard physically. You know, without punching him in the face. "So. Um. Sheldon had a partner, right?"

"Yeah." Leonard matched her head-tilt with his own, looking down his nose when he lifted his chin. "Dr. Koothrappali. He works at CalTech. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason." Penny pointed at the watch she wasn't wearing. "I gotta jet. I'll talk to you later." She left before he could stop her.

ooo

Penny spent what money she had on a taxi to CalTech. She considered riding with Leonard for her wallet's sake, but she nipped that idea in the bud fairly quickly. She didn't want him to know what she was up to about as much as she didn't want Sheldon to know what she was up to. He would probably laugh at her or feel guilty and try to make amends. Penny didn't care to hear his side of the story. She didn't hold a grudge against him, but she would rather not have to go through the process of forgive and forget when she was trying to…_reverse_…Sheldon's situation. She didn't need a diversion.

Penny thanked the driver, handed over a wad of bills that smelled like cheesecake and showed herself inside the university. She asked the first person she saw where she could find Dr. Koothrappali and she soon found herself rapping her knuckles on his office door.

He answered her knock with a smile-turned-O-of-horror. He meeped and shut the door in her face.

Penny muscled her way in. She closed them off from the hallway.

Dr. Koothrappali meeped again. He literally hid behind his desk.

His office was small. The walls were covered in posters of galaxies and stars and the Milky Way. Books everywhere. Yeah. She could totally see this guy as Sheldon's partner.

Penny took a seat and waited for the little man to reemerge. His curly head of hair made her smirk. "Hey, I need to talk to you."

Dr. Koothrappali grabbed a pen and a piece of paper from next to his computer and scribbled a note for her to read.

_Selective Mutism._

"Oh, sweetie," Penny cooed. "I'm sorry. I'll only be a second." Dr. Koothrappali didn't make a move to sit in his seat so Penny bit the bullet. "I need to know if it's possible to…" She struggled with her wording. "…slip into an alternate universe without knowing it. Maybe leave the soul behind?"

Dr. Koothrappali gaped at her, unabashed.

"I know it sounds crazy. Just answer the question."

He shrugged apologetically.

"Crap." Penny frowned at what she figured would be an enlightening conversation. "Thanks, anyway."

ooo

Raj Koothrappali fumbled with his cell. He whispered into the receiver even though the pretty blonde was nowhere in sight. "Dude, you called it. Your neighbor came here asking about Sheldon, I think." He gulped. Raj was not a superstitious man, but he didn't doubt anything when it came to Dr. Cooper. He was deeply ashamed of what he did during their excursion to the Arctic. They all were.

"I thought so," Leonard sighed. "You didn't say anything, did you?"

"What do you think?"

"Sorry."

"What if she's on to something? What if Sheldon's actually haunting his apartment?"

"I wouldn't put it past him."

"Then what's with all the hush-hush?"

"If they aren't in cahoots, I don't want Penny to know our history. I have to fix this."

"Dude. Cahoots? Seriously?"

"Spontaneous formulas don't magically appear on whiteboards that supposedly haven't been touched in three years."

Raj was contemplative. "If Sheldon's gone Ghost, I bet she already knows."

"There's no such thing as ghosts! Sheldon's alive."

"You're paranoid. What? You think he's sneaking in to his apartment under your neighbor's nose? And that's more plausible than my theory?"

"I have proof."

_By the ten heads of Ravana._ "Of course you do."

"I swear! This time it's legit. He can't hide from me forever." 

Raj cut the connection. He needed to make less crazy friends.

ooo

Penny went through the motions at work, her thoughts tumbling over and over in her head like drying laundry. Sheldon was alive. She hadn't been dreaming and it had been him. Her Sheldon, not another. Hers. She could tell, beyond a freakin' shadow of a freakin' doubt. She had a gut feeling-_no_-it was more than that, but she couldn't even begin to explain her impulses and her steadfast belief, her stubbornness, or her unwavering determination to fix whatever mess Sheldon had gotten himself in to, the boob.

She didn't care what Dr. Koothrappali said. (Or didn't say.)

Maybe it was divine intervention or something. At any rate, she wasn't going down without a fight. Even if she was crazy, she had to try. If she didn't, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

Penny ducked into the bus room at the end of her shift. She sat on the counter and nibbled on some cheesecake crumbs left over from he kitchen. She had no idea Bernadette followed her out of the dining room until she heard her say:

"Who is it?"

Penny jumped. She dusted pie crust off her vest. "Who's what?"

"You've been walking about in a daze all morning, smiling big and bright one minute and looking like you've lost your best friend the next. Who's the guy?"

Although Penny laughed, her heart nearly lodged itself in her throat. "He's no one."

"I call bull buttons."

Penny shrugged. "You're imagining things." As much as she wanted to convince Bernadette-and, inadvertently, convince herself-that nothing was going on between her and a ghost for cryin' out loud, she was screwed. A simple crack in her voice turned her world upside down. Just as the ground quaked prior to Old Faithful's eruptions, the squeak that issued from her mouth preceded a deluge of emotion.

And damn if it didn't take her by surprise.

ooo

Penny hated the bus, but she was so caught up in her own drama she couldn't work herself up into a lather over something as stupid as public transportation. She didn't trust herself to walk. She barely navigated her section at the Cheesecake Factory her mind was so tangled up in knots. Not like shoelace knots, the kind of knots you have hope of loosening. Thread knots. The kind of knots you'd be better off biting in half. The stairs to the fourth floor seemed longer than usual. And shorter than usual. She kept thinking about what she was going to say to Sheldon over and over again. She wanted to go ahead and get her feelings off her chest, but as soon as she reached 4A she wasn't prepared.

Life was short. Sheldon was living, or dying, proof of that.

Penny opened the door.

Sheldon stood from his spot. "It's Halo Night," he said.

Penny made a fist. She walked straight up to him and hammered his chest. "You idiot!" She paid careful attention to his expression when he held her still, his face hovering so close to hers she could see her breath. His brow was furrowed, whether he was confused or annoyed, but his eyes were soft like his hands were moving of their own accord, a world away, smoothing out the wrinkles in her sleeves with meticulous fingers. He looked at her, his eyes iridescent, a holy or unholy blue.

The plumes of white flowing from her lips dwindled to naught but near-indiscernible puffs, stuttering, and a perfect match to the rhythm of her heart.

They shared a look that seemed to last forever. Penny's face burned hot only to be frosted over by Sheldon's proximity.

He stooped. He rested his forehead on her shoulder, weightless. "I give up."


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 3000+  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. Insert witticism here.

_A/N: Blah, blah, errors. Blah, blah, blah._

ooo

Sheldon Cooper was an idiot.

He was familiar with stupidity. He knew what it felt like to be naïve. He knew what it felt like to be socially stunted. He knew what it felt like to make mistakes. But outright, intentional stupidity? Holy God. How could workaday people live with themselves, who seemed to him to be stuck on stupid? He would have wanted to hide from the world if he wasn't already imperceptible.

He was such an idiot.

What had he done? "I give up," he said again, unable to stop himself. This…_thing_…inside him. These feelings. These dreadful feelings! Thriving and multiplying and swelling inside his chest like a spiked balloon. He hurt, which made no sense. He was dead. _He was dead._ This wasn't happening. There was no, possible way for him…for his heart…for his soul…he was sure his self would split down the middle if he didn't...

Damn the sensitivity of the human soul. Damn it.

Sheldon never thought he would miss his body, a shell that limited his true potential, but he was wrong. It was no wonder, in some universes, he never fully understood his love for Penny. His body was in the way. Within his cagey frame, his rib-laden chest, was a spirit that beat to something wild and rampant and scary. So easy to ignore when the real world distracted him with everything he thought was important.

Sheldon raised his head. He looked Penny in the eye, hating how crazy she made him wish he were. He wanted-actually _wanted_-to venture into uncharted territory, no instructions, no plans, no nothing. He wanted to have her. He wanted to belong to her.

How could the soul be so selfish?

One glimpse and he knew. The soul was reserved. It was ultimately exclusive. It was a place where only Penny and God dwelled, blast the both of them. Sheldon wasn't used to not getting his way.

But.

This was different. What was he supposed to do? Point the finger at the powers that be? No. Was he supposed to admit how much he loved Penny, beyond himself? Beyond anything he had ever known even though he didn't know how or why? If he did, what then? He was dying. He was losing it. He was a goner. If Penny felt even a tenth of his obsession with her, it was going to be painful to separate. Would he make it worse?

He didn't care. He was angry he didn't care.

He wanted her. Now. He wanted to say something five minutes ago. He wanted.

He wanted!

If there was a God, what had he done to deserve this Hell?

Sheldon turned from Penny, weak from arguing with himself. "It's Halo Night."

ooo

Penny cast a sidelong glance at Sheldon. He sat in his spot on the couch, expertly toggling the joystick of his controller, the pad of his thumb gliding over the buttons. _Click, click, click._ She was confused. _'I give up,'_ he had said…and then powered his X-Box.

Penny went along with his diversion, feeling sick to her stomach. What had she gotten herself in to? In love? With a ghost? Penny craned her neck and moaned at the ceiling, feigning a stretch lest Sheldon wonder. But yeah. In love with a ghost. Or a being who might be a ghost. Whatever. Same difference. He was illusory and she was real. Very, very real. Real feelings, real life. She couldn't make up her mind. Would it be better to let the past week slip into oblivion or would it be better to confront Sheldon before…

_Suck,_ Penny thought.

Sheldon hit her character with a sticky. He smirked at what he deemed a perfect execution, getting Penny's goat, crumbling her cookie, peeing in her Cheerios, so on and so forth. In Layman's terms, he was, like, screwing with her.

_Douche_.

Since when did she let a man tug at her emotions like a freakin' puppeteer manipulates a marionette? In the spirit of singing _I've Got No Strings To Hold Me Down_ in her head, Penny focused her roller coaster of a morning on her game play once she respawned.

And boom went the dynamite. Or the hand grenade.

"Look!" Penny laughed. "It's raining you!"

Sheldon huffed. "There is no way you can be this attractive and this skilled at a video game." He paused. "Also, there's a glare on my side of the television from the sun outside. You got lucky."

"Luck's got nothin' to do with it." Penny sniped Sheldon from behind a rock. She curled her tongue to hide her smile. "It's your fault for playing video games this time of day, buck-o. I thought it was Halo _Night_." She nodded her head at the digital clock, which read 4:30.

Sheldon set his controller on the coffee table and clasped his hands together. "This is yet another example of how your presence in this apartment has…" He tapered off with an unnecessary sigh. "Oh, I'm too tired to do this."

"You can feel tired?"

Sheldon shot her a withering look.

"Maybe you should lie down." She resented his snort of derision.

"Wow."

The phone rang. It took Penny a moment to realize someone was calling the apartment.

Sheldon flickered from his seat to the kitchen counter, the cordless in his hand. He read the caller ID before he crossed the room on foot to hand Penny the phone. "For you," he said.

As if anyone would be calling for him.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Missy."

"Hey!" Penny set her controller beside Sheldon's and crossed her legs. "I thought I was going to get to say good bye."

"Sorry. I hated to sleep 'n run, but I wanted to thank you for your hospitality. You're 'bout as a proficient tucker as Shelly."

"Oh, well, you know." Penny hoped her response was vague enough to fly.

Sheldon waved her off like he knew what she was thinking. "She hostesses at Fuddruckers'."

Penny covered the mouthpiece. "That's your sister!"

"That's a couch," he intoned, pointing to his spot.

Penny rolled her eyes. She almost said something along the lines of channeling Sheldon's spirit when she heard a beep. "Hold on a sec. I have another call."

"Sure."

Penny searched the buttons, trying to determine how to work the call waiting, but Sheldon snatched the phone out of her hand before she could figure it out. "What's the big idea?" She hounded him from the front door, to the kitchen, to the window, and back to his spot on the couch. Sheldon, having resigned himself to the fact that he was never going to shake her, could only sit.

"Yes," he agreed with _whoever-it-was_ on the end of the line. "I expected as much. I appreciate your service." Sheldon ended the connection.

"What th' Hell?"

"It's your surprise."

The wind was unceremoniously knocked out of Penny's sails. "What surprise?"

"I had your car towed."

Cue hurricane. "WHAT?"

"Towed and _fixed_. The engine needs replacing and your battery is corroded and your filter seems to have been chewed through by who knows what's been living in your car."

"I can't believe you did that for me."

Sheldon furrowed his brow, confused, trying to read her like she was some sort of equation he couldn't solve. "You must," he insisted, exasperated and whiny. "I will rest easier knowing everything of yours-"

Penny put her hands on her knees. She invaded Sheldon's personal space, leaning and leaning.

"-is in order."

"You wanna know what I think?"

Sheldon fidgeted. "Not really, no."

"I think," Penny trudged on, "that it's time I give you your surprise."

He innocently perked up at the idea. "Alright."

"You have to close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Because that's how surprises work."

Sheldon scrutinized her with heavy-lidded eyes. "I suspect your intentions are evil in nature."

"Are you scared?"

"Rightfully so!"

"You're dead. You can't be scared of anything."

"I would have to disagree. No matter when or where I am, you manage to put the fear of God in me."

Penny traced an invisible line down the slope of his nose. When he stopped his superfluous flinching, Penny's eyes fell closed and she navigated the space between them, unable to keep a smile off her face. She tilted her head to one side. She brushed his philtrum with her mouth, his upper lip. She kissed Sheldon, deep, and giggled into him when his eyes widened comically. The cold forced her to withdraw. She warmed her two, front teeth with her tongue, the ache worse than biting full into an ice-cream sandwich.

"Penny…"

"Don't you mean Penelope?" Penny pushed Sheldon to sit back in his seat. She braced herself on the couch and kissed him again. His lips were not unlike ice, soft and supple and perfect. He did not respond, nor did she expect him to, but her appetite was insatiable. In spite of her best efforts to take it slow-because the last thing she wanted to do was scare him straight to death-she couldn't help it. She eased herself into his lap, outright gasping because his pants were frigid. (Wearing her Cheesecake Factory skirt didn't help.) It took Penny a moment to settle down and sit comfortably, apologizing to his face…very close to his face…on his face, his forehead, even as he squirmed and made excuses about Missy calling back since he had hung up on her. She fought the urge to drink his lips, half expecting them to melt.

His eyes bored in to her, all but gushing the color blue.

When she needed air, she said, "Surprise."

"I hate surprises," was all he mumbled.

Penny remembered very clearly the last time her advances were spurned. Andrew Wood. Fifth grade. He pulled her hair when she gave him a Valentine.

She was pathetic.

If Sheldon didn't want her, he didn't want her. He could follow the light for all she cared. He could rot in an alternate universe and never feel the light of day for the rest of his afterlife.

Yeah. Right. Who was she kidding? She cared. She cared so much it hurt. She didn't want Sheldon to go because she didn't know how she was supposed to move on, herself. Being with him, near him, kissing him, felt natural. She wondered, then, if at any point they were happy.

So they couldn't be in this universe. So what? She would remember him always. How he lived, what he knew. She would keep him alive in her memories. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, right?

What the Hell kinda crap was she thinking?

Memories weren't going to cut it. Him being illusory wasn't cutting it, either. She wanted to feel his hands, damn it! Warm, fleshy hands. She wanted to feel his fire burning standing right in front of her. She wanted him to believe it when she kissed him. She wanted him to know.

"This is all your fault," she said. "You can't sweep me off my feet and, and _vamoose_ the second I admit I'm in love with you." She cut him off, "No, I know I'm dumb. You're dead or you think you're dead or maybe I'm crazy. Wishful thinking. Some-"

Sheldon held up his hand to silence her. "If I may? The feeling is mutual."

Penny blinked.

"It would seem I'm in love with you, too."

_Oh_, she thought. _We're in deep shit._

"My life had no meaning outside of science. I distanced myself from my family. I had no friends of which to speak. I was alone. When I discovered I could drift through alternate universes, suspending myself though space and time, I noticed a pattern begin to emerge everywhen I went. It was cold, but it got warm when you barely crossed my eye."

"We know each other in alternate universes?"

"All of them. Some more extensively…" Sheldon let Penny kiss him again. "…than others." His freezing fingers settled on her waist. "Sometimes you don't…" He grunted at her when her tongue got in the way. "…leave Omaha. Sometimes I never…" He gave her a look when she tried to reach up under his shirt only to find it was physically impossible. "…leave Texas. Sometimes you marry Leonard."

Penny throat burned from the cold in the best possible way.

"And sometimes-" The reverberation of his voice made her toes curl. "-you and I find one another desirable as mates. Traipsing through my alternate lives, I became fixated. Why was it that I had never met you? I calculated that, eventually, you and I would cross paths. It was inevitable. So I waited. You can imagine my delight the day you walked in my apartment. It was foolish thinking that I could simply keep watch over you until my days on Earth had dwindled to nothing, but I couldn't help myself."

"I thought you didn't want me here."

"I didn't. I'm dead."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want you to be happy. With Leonard."

Penny let him go. "What?" She poked Sheldon in his chest. "Oh, no. I do not!" _Poke_. "And will not!" _Poke_. "Go along with-"

Sheldon cursed in Chinese.

"What was that?"

"You find happiness with him more often than you find happiness with me."

Penny gaped. "Holy crap. You're jealous of something I don't have with a man across the hall."

"I am not."

"The first step to recovery is to confront your feelings," Penny sing-songed.

"No. The first step to recovery, as originally proposed by Alcoholics Anonymous, is admitting you have a problem."

"Sweetie, I'm only going to say this once so listen carefully." Penny pointed to her mouth. "Shut up and kiss me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"You're not in bed."

Penny raised her eyebrows. "Come again?"

"I've only ever kissed you when you were sleeping. I can't kiss you now. You're…watching."

Penny almost laughed, but figured it would make matters worse. "How long has this been going on?"

Sheldon averted his eyes.

"I don't know whether you're crazy or-"

"Desperately in love? I've determined that it's all the same."

Penny pushed herself to stand. She pulled Sheldon after her, holding him firm by the collar and peppering the underside of his chin with even more kisses.

"Yes…well…that's…you're persuasive enough as it is. Is that really necessary?"

Penny opened the bedroom door. "Yes. It is." She lay on top of the covers and pretended like she was going to sleep. "Hop to. Chop, chop." She extended her arms, ready to draw Sheldon into a hug, closer and closer. She couldn't cry for smiling. Her insides clenched under the weight of what she knew was bound to happen between them, making her want to tuck into a little ball. There was no Happily Ever After. He would disappear and she would be left alone to cope with the loss. It scared her. It scared the crap out of her.

Sheldon looked down at Penny, pained. "You do realize this is pointless."

"I know." She couldn't begin to explain to him how much she needed this. Just once. She needed to try because, maybe, she could keep him here. Maybe her love would be strong enough. This moment was like a swig of alcohol, that sour hotness stinging the insides of her cheeks, hard on her teeth, compelling her to go, to be more than she could be, except it wasn't impairing. It was self-actualizing in its own right. Always, she had been looking for love, only to give her heart to a storm. Now was her chance to take back what was hers and give something precious to something more precious-something beautiful, but sad, like a light drizzle on a Sunday afternoon. "C'mon," she said, reaching for him. "Let's pretend you're alive."

Sheldon must have understood because he said, "Close your eyes."

ooo

Sheldon knelt down beside the bed. He let Penny run her fingers though his hair; somewhat chagrined, somewhat mystified that she would want to do such a thing. "You have ruined me," he complained, his voice frosty. "How can I sill want something I know I can't have? Though I'm following a logical process, you make me reach illogical conclusions." He leaned forward, embarrassed at her gasp, though he assumed it was from the cold. If he weren't dead, he would blush. His desire was to be everything Penny needed, but he couldn't. _Really_ couldn't. It confused him, as it did the first time he stumbled upon the two of them together. He was smart enough, but he wasn't Western culture's ideal man. He had never dwelled on his facial features aside from stressing over a clean shave, but he knew he wasn't quote-unquote dreamy. He wasn't strong. He wasn't particularly accommodating. And he'd never wanted to be. Until now. He would go above and beyond to the best of his ability.

And that. Did not. Make sense. To him. This altruism that wasn't really…

It was maddening.

"I am anything but illogical, Penny." Sheldon kissed her lips chastely, catching his name on her mouth, setting his face on fire.

Her responding to him-the way she didn't laugh, didn't make fun-might as well have drenched him in gasoline, stoking the heat to consume his every sense. All he felt, all he tasted, all he smelt, even though his senses were dead.

They shared a look. An identical, hopeless look.

And it was then they started to sink, together, into the cold.

_A/N: Last chapter will be posted on the 23rd. =)_


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt  
Author: Talitha Koum  
Spoilers: Recent episodes.  
Rating: PG-13 for mild language.  
Word Count: 3000+  
Disclaimer: Really?

Happy 23rd, everyone! Here's to a happy season 4!

ooo

A flash of red. Darkness. Another flash of red. Penny opened her eyes to find herself locked in the same, riveted capsule as before. Wasn't she just kissing Sheldon? Of all the bad timings. What would he think once he realized she had fallen asleep on him?

It was when Penny began making up excuses that had nothing to do with alternate universes where Sheldon may or may not be alive (_Because, let's face it,_ she thought. _He'd think I'd lost my mind_.) that she noticed she wasn't alone.

Sheldon was there with her.

"Oh my God!" Penny squealed without a noise. "Sheldon!"

This was her chance. She could show him where he was. She could prove she wasn't insane.

Yeah. Like _none_ of this was absolutely insane.

Sheldon's head lolled on his shoulder, his arms limp at his sides. Penny reached for him-

She fazed through his chest. Her skin burned and numbed and shriveled before her eyes.

Penny stuck her fingers in her mouth. So much worse than ice. Liquid nitrogen. Afraid of what she would see, she took a peek at the damage. Her hands looked like tree bark, cracked and flaking. She would have screamed if she hadn't witnessed some sort of skin rejuvenation returning her palms, her wrists, her knuckles, her fingers, back to normal in a matter of seconds.

Penny edged closer to Sheldon on her knees. She hovered over his face and she winced at the waves of cold emitting from him.

What was going on?

"Sheldon?"

Nothing. No sound, no response.

"Sheldon!"

Still nothing.

"Damn it, Sheldon, wake up!" Penny took off her shoe and threw it at him. Through him. She threw her other shoe for good measure. Not because she thought it would work, but because she was pissed.

Penny stood. She looked through the circular window. Same, dark room. Same chair. Same…Sheldon. Same, faceless dentist hunched over his patient. But something was different. The man in the lab coat wasn't preening, calm and calculated. He was checking Sheldon's vital signs with long, pale fingers, ripping readouts from a machine that was blinking and buzzing and making all sorts of noise.

"He's alive…" she heard a familiar voice murmur. The man in the lab coat jumped for joy. "He's alive!"

No.

It _couldn't_ be.

"Hey!" Penny shouted, forgetting it wouldn't do any good. She waved her arms, dreading the moment she would start to feel sluggish and fade away, back to Pasadena. _I'm not through yet, _Penny told herself. "I'm not through yet!" Louder, "I'M NOT!"

Her voice was so small. A tiny hum, far away.

Penny took a deep, deep breath and screamed. She could hear herself more clearly, a boisterous thought transforming into a quiet word, growing louder and louder until the window rattled with her: _"NO!"_

The man in the lab coat stopped what he was doing, his expression shadowed in the dark. He hesitated, set the readouts on Sheldon's chest, and worked his way around the chair. His stride was cautious and careful like…

_It couldn't be! _

The man in the lab coat peered through the window.

"Sheldon?"

"Who are you?" he asked, his voice muffled behind the glass. "How did you get in there?"

Penny could only gape. _How is this-? How can I-? What about-? Three Sheldons?_

_No,_ she corrected herself. _Two Sheldons._ The Sheldon in the lab coat was not her Sheldon.

Penny grit her teeth. "You need to help him. He's dying."

The Sheldon in the lab coat sniffed. "On the contrary. He's very much alive."

"Wha-no he's not! I swear to God, Sheldon, if you don't get me out of here, I'll call your sister!"

He didn't budge.

"I'll…" Penny blurted the first thing that came to her mind, "I'll call Leonard! I'll tell him what you're up to!"

Sheldon wrenched open the wall-the door-and stood in the threshold. "I knew it!" He snatched Penny off her feet and pulled her outside, leaving what was left of her Sheldon to dissolve on the floor. Penny tried to shrug him off, but he was strong. Stronger than she expected. He pulled her away from both Sheldons to stand a ways in the pitch-black laboratory. "You're a spy! Leonard sent you!"

Penny wanted to deny it, but she had a feeling he wouldn't believe her. What? Was she married to Leonard in this universe? Who was she, here? The mistrust, the hatred, she saw in Sheldon's eyes seemed to suggest otherwise.

Penny's rage tapered off. "Do you not know me?"

Sheldon looked flabbergasted. "No," he said in a tone that made her feel stupid.

"Are you sure?"

"I have an eidetic memory. I would know if I knew you."

Penny groaned. Her head was pounding. Her heart was pounding. Everything was pounding. The room, the Sheldon who held her in his arms, pulsating around the edges. And the noise! A loud _THOOM. THOOM. THOOM._ Clogging her ears, making her choke. Penny felt like she was sinking. She stood firm, however. She pushed Sheldon back toward the light, toward the cylinder-like machine he had yanked her from, except she slipped right through him.

"Are you a ghost, too?" Penny asked tentatively. Damn, everywhere she went...

Sheldon stared at her, his eyes wide. _"Me?"_ he shrilled. He sputtered something about how he didn't believe in ghosts and blah, blah, blah.

Penny tuned him out. She lifted her hands in front of her face. She was translucent.

This was, like, an out of body experience for real. The _THOOM_ing returned, persistent and somewhat reminiscent of a voice saying: _COME_. She batted the noise away from her ears, her headache worsening. She had the urge to give in, to let go. Was this what it was like, resisting the lure of death, disembodied as she was? She wondered how Sheldon managed three years of this torture. And for what? To meet the her of his universe?

Her heart ached for him.

And then it didn't. It burned, bright and blazing. She was going to save him come Hell or high water.

Penny clenched her hands into fists. "My name is Penny," she told the Sheldon in the lab coat. "You don't know me yet, but you will." She paused. "I'm in love with you."

The most disgusted expression fluttered across Sheldon's face. "You're lying. You're here to steal my invention. Well! You can't have it. So there." He stormed past Penny and stood in front of the cylinder where Sheldon's spirit faded with every second. He smiled a smug smile. "Do you have any idea? This is paradigm altering! The world as we know it will change forever."

Penny asked, "What is it?"

"But of course your feeble, little mind can't grasp the concept of-"

Penny pursed her lips. "Try me."

Sheldon was all too happy to explain. He gestured to the cylinder beside the chair and then gestured to an identical cylinder across the room. "The construct of teleportation never suited my fancy," he said. "To destroy yourself in one location and reconstruct yourself in another, in Layman's terms, but how could I destroy genius? No." He shook his head. "I wasn't willing to sacrifice the greatest mind of the times. I tweaked the premise, instead."

Penny glanced from one cylinder to the other. "So, like, cloning?"

"Yes, Penny," Sheldon said snidely. "_Like_ cloning, only, _like_, faster."

"Hey!" She pointed a threatening finger at him. "Don't make me haunt you."

He flinched, suddenly interested in a wrinkle in her Sheldon's pants. He smoothed it out. "As you can see, I was successful. Only…"

"Only?" Penny probed.

"Only he's lifeless. His vitals? Perfect. His brainwave activity? Beautiful. Not as beautiful as mine, but beautiful nonetheless." Sheldon sighed. "He's a vegetable."

Penny approached the chair. The Sheldon in the lab coat didn't seem to mind her incursion for now, but she was careful not to draw too much attention to herself with any gasping or cursing. She stood by her Sheldon's side, across from the Sheldon in the lab coat. She grinned at the sight of him breathing, his chest rising and falling. His eyes, though. They were dead, startlingly black. She couldn't stand it. She was used to a passion for science. And, maybe, for her.

Penny closed his eyes. She leaned down and kissed him on the eyelid.

"What are you doing?" The Sheldon in the lab coat scurried around toward her, shooing her off. He grabbed a box of disinfectant wipes from under the chair and cleaned her Sheldon's face.

"I told you. I love him."

Sheldon huffed.

"And, by the way? That's not a clone. All you did was snatch the body of another Sheldon from an alternate universe."

"Impossible. You're lying."

"You keep saying that! Why would I lie?"

"You want the Nobel for yourself!"

"Okay." Penny whistled low. "I'm pretty sure you've been cooped up in this room for way too long so let me lay it out for you real simple. We're either going to do this the hard way, or my way. If I were you, I'd pick the hard way."

Sheldon studied her with dubious eyes. "What do these ways entail?"

"The hard way? You kiss your Nobel good-bye, stand aside, and I'll take Sheldon back where he belongs. My way? I _make_ you let me take him back where he belongs." Penny unbuckled her Sheldon's restraints. She exhaled heavily through her nose when the Sheldon in the lab coat grabbed her again. "Okay, um, one? You got away with that the first time 'cause you're lucky. Two? Keep your hands to yourself or you'll wish you'd never been born."

His grip tightened. "I'm throwing you out. I don't know who you are or where you came from, but you are hereby banished from my laboratory."

_Banished? What th' Hell kind of crap is that? _

Penny outright punched Sheldon in the nose.

"_GAH!"_ He wailed. _"I'm bleeding!"_

Penny finished unbuckling Sheldon's restraints and pulled him out of the chair. He was heavier than she thought he would be. She grabbed him by his wrists and started pulling him toward her cylinder when the Sheldon in the lab coat reappeared, a crossbow in his hands.

"D-Don' moob!" he stammered. Blood trickled down his chin. He aimed the arrow at her Sheldon's chest. "Stob o' I shoob."

"Look, I-"

"Don' speag! Leb im' go."

Penny dropped Sheldon's arms. She looked over her shoulder where his soul hadn't moved, flickering out. Penny turned around again, desperate. "Please," she begged. "Please, won't you reconsider?" She slowly inched her way around to shield her Sheldon, her soul buzzing uncontrollably. She winced at her aching head. "I know you're good. You have to be good."

"No," the Sheldon in the lab coat insisted. "I'm not. Go back where you came from."

"Not. Without. Sheldon."

He lowered his crossbow. "I don't understand."

"You will."

ooo

Penny opened her eyes. The sun shone bright through Sheldon's window…books on the shelves and the comics…playing off the plastic.

Penny squinted. She rolled over on her side and stifled a scream when she saw Sheldon lying next to her.

Had she...?

Penny cupped her hand over his mouth. His breath warmed her fingers. "Sheldon!" she whispered. "Sheldon! You're alive!"

He snored.

She didn't blame him.

Penny braced herself on her elbows. She touched Sheldon's cheek.

_Holy,_ she thought.

He was warm and there and alive! She squealed, giddy, and continued to play with his features, waiting for him to wake up. "Sheldon…" she teased. "Wake-y, wake-y, eggs and bac-y." Which gave her an idea. "Oh, I'm totally making you breakfast with all the fixin's." She kicked her legs excitedly and got up to leave.

ooo

Sheldon was by himself in the middle of nowhere. He lifted his hand toward the sky. Blue and bright and more bright.

Through his parted fingers slipped rays of the sun. He could feel their heat against his palm. He curled his fingers into a tight fist as if he could keep the feeling.

The sound of his name resonated. "Sheldon! You're alive!"

Light, gentle, caressing, barely touching his face. Warm fingertips on his temple. They trickled over his eyelids, down his cheeks, hesitating before tracing his mouth. A kind nail pulled his bottom lip against his chin. And he breathed.

Sheldon opened his eyes. He saw Penny walking away from him. He saw Penny open the door to his bedroom. Something about breakfast.

"Wait," he slurred. It was hard to speak.

Penny turned around.

"Oh, dear."

She jumped on him. For someone who hadn't been able to feel anything for over three years, Penny was heavy. He groaned, "Careful!"

She kissed him quickly, giving him a little buzz on his mouth, sighing blissfully at the warmth. "Hey, you."

And. _Oh_. Sheldon gripped the bed sheets tight. Penny's lips on his was comparatively mind numbing. His every nerve exploded, ringing and sparking and, and he felt like he had caught on fire starting from the tips of his toes, up his legs, up his chest, and over his head. He couldn't think. It was wonderfully miserable. Fantastically wretched.

All of this-_all of these feelings_-came upon him like a tidal wave in the split second Penny kissed him. Any more of that and he would pass out. Or die. It was electrifying and discomforting just how quickly he was willing to renegotiate with himself. Penny now, death later.

He was losing it.

"Penelope," Sheldon gasped. "Please get off me. I'm very sore."

"Well, duh. You've been dead for three years." She kissed him again and, just as he feared, it was deeper. Slower. Longer. Ten times worse. Sheldon meat to complain, but Penny took advantage of his attempt to speak, teasing him to kiss her back and pressing closer. The bottom fell out. What bottom? Where had this bottom been before? Where had it gone? Was it coming back? These questions-so aggravating, so important-were inconsequential. He sank in the mind-numbing, heat-stoking, toe-curling pleasure. His body ached with it. Every muscle, every joint. Penny was heavy, but she was warm and soft. He moaned. It hurt too much.

Penny asked, "Whoa, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay!" he yelped. His body relaxed and his grip on his bed sheets loosened. "I can't move."

"You aren't paralyzed, are you?"

"No. I don't think so. I just have to readjust to, well, living." He tried to sit up, but failed.

"Sit still. I'll make you breakfast."

Sheldon paled. "Don't go to the store."

Penny snorted. "If you promise not to take a shower."

He didn't even have to think about it. "No. Nevermind. I trust you not to ride a bike down the middle of the street with your hands off of the handlebars and your eyes closed."

"Oh, really?"

Sheldon made a squeaky noise. He sounded like a kicked puppy.

"Chill. I'm not going anywhere."

"Penny?' Sheldon asked before she could leave again. "Will you bring me mouthwash?"

She did not.

ooo

"Dude, I don't think this is right, breaking into a woman's apartment."

"Penny will never know we were here. Her car's not in the parking lot. She's probably at work."

"What're we looking for, exactly?"

"Proof that Sheldon pulled the wool over our eyes." Leonard flashed Raj his camera. "Proof that he's still alive." He cracked opened Sheldon's bedroom door. He wasn't fully prepared for what he saw inside. Penny was sitting on the end of Sheldon's bed, staring down at a chessboard that was set on someone's lap. Namely, Sheldon. Sheldon's lap. She moved her black knight half-heartedly and then went back to filing her nails.

"Fascinating," Sheldon hummed. "Your moves make no sense. I can't tell what you're thinking."

Penny started, buffing her nails on her shirt. "What?"

Sheldon blinked at her disbelievingly. "Nevermind." He captured her piece.

Penny moved her queen's castle in the midst of Sheldon's defenses. "I don't see why you're making me play against you when we both know you're going to win."

"I didn't see why you had to force feed me an omelet when it's clearly Oatmeal Day. Check."

Penny feigned leaving him.

Sheldon whined, "Penny! My cognitive functions-"

_Thud_.

Sheldon and Penny looked up to see Leonard standing in the doorway, his camera on the floor and his mouth hanging open.

There was a long, awkward silence.

Finally, Sheldon took his white Queen and slid it across the board. "Checkmate."

ooo

Dr. Sheldon Cooper shoved his hands deep in his coat pockets. The night was chilly, a week's worth of rain blocking out the sun and giving the city streets a gloomy, _you'll-never-see-the-sky-again_ sort of feel that made everyone look and act like the near-faceless characters in Edward Hopper's paintings. Coats wrapped tightly, hats low-brimmed, shoes sloshing through the puddles.

Sheldon sighed. He could be holding a Nobel in his hands. He could be a household name. He should be. But he wasn't.

_Damn that woman._

Sheldon lost himself, wondering father and farther away from his lab, unsure of where he was going, but determined to get there, wherever it was. His was always a curious mind so he allowed his feet to take him where they would. He had nowhere to be. His schedule was ruined and his mind was otherwise occupied reconstructing a new one for himself, mathematically formulating the inner-workings of she who called herself Penny, and counting his steps.

The glow of street lights on the wet pavement. The flash of cars speeding him by. The reflection of reds and greens and yellows in his peripheral vision, giving his walk a kaleidoscopic aura. And it was within these colors, these equations, the feel of the moisture in the air clinging to his skin, that he saw her.

She was standing under an awning for shelter. She was accompanied by two other women. One, voluptuous and redheaded. One with be-speckled eyes as sharp and sultry as silk on steel. The woman in question wore nothing more than what looked like an over-sized t-shirt, only it clung to her every curve, as red as her lipstick in rouge. Her mascara was thick and blotched. She held a cigarette in her hand. The cherry burned as bright as her smile.

She saw him. Her smile widened, almost predatory.

_Penny_.

She turned, put out her hand, and asked him to dance.

Sheldon knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.

The End

_A/N: Thanks for reading, those of you who ignored the potentially awful summary of this story. I had fun writing so I hope you had fun reading. Yay for happy endings. _


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